Mission: Meet James Potter
by Julia2Cj
Summary: A companion piece to A Case of Nerves in Lily's POV. Covers a bit before their first date and will go through the first part of their relationship. What changed Lily's mind? James did.
1. Chapter 1

_In honor of Steve, who is my James._

Lily Evans let out an annoyed sigh but resisted the urge to start tapping her foot. She had just been halted in the middle of the hallway on her way to dinner, ushered into an empty classroom, and left staring at the silent, unmoving instigator of her delay. "Yes, Potter?" she snapped. "Is there a reason you're keeping me back from my evening sustenance?"

Potter's face flushed. "Sorry, Evans. Just wondered..." he stopped and rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Wondered if there's any chance you'd be willing to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend. It's the last one of the year, you know." His eyes skittered up to meet hers and then away again almost instantly.

Lily sighed again. She should have known. James Potter had asked her out for the last Hogsmeade trip of the year for three years running and a handful of other times in between. It had been almost non-stop in fourth year, actually, but he'd slowed down for some reason—whether because he'd discovered the rest of the female population or because he wanted to make each time count, she didn't know. In fact, it was a kind of unspoken arrangement amongst the Hogwarts males: Potter got first dibs on Evans for the last trip of the year, and when she turned him down, she became fair game again. Lily wasn't fond of it at all. "No, Potter, I will not go out with you," rolled off her tongue with the sound of a bored robot.

He nodded. "I figured. Can't hex a bloke for trying though, can you?" He rubbed the back of his neck again. "Can I at least escort you to the Great Hall?"

"No, I'm perfectly capable of getting there all by myself," she said as though speaking to a small child. Potter nodded and opened the door for her, looking as though his shoes were suddenly of the utmost importance to him.

When she walked past, she was a little nervous he was going to ignore what she'd said and walk with her anyway, but he didn't follow. In fact, she didn't hear his footsteps at all. When he finally did walk past her several minutes later to join his friends, their eyes met for just a moment and they exchanged polite smiles. But in that moment, Lily was surprised to notice that his smile failed to reach his eyes. When James Potter smiled, his eyes normally crinkled up in the corners like raisins, but not this time. And his eyes were clouded by something. Something that looked a lot like hurt.

Back in her dormitory, Lily sat on her bed, thinking about that look and wondering if perhaps she'd actually hurt him this time. And then she remembered how nervous he'd been when he was trying to ask her to Hogsmeade. She'd said no so automatically. Hadn't even thought about it for a second. She hadn't thought about Potter and what he was like, or what dating him might be like, or whether he was serious about liking her, or anything. Granted, this was quite possibly the first time that he hadn't asked in a way that infuriated and embarrassed her in front of the whole school. But still, her answer had been purely habitual. It wasn't right.

The more she thought, the more it bothered her that she could be so caught up in the force of habit that she would lay aside consideration for the other person involved. If she'd actually been listening, would she have heard his voice falter? Would she have noticed him trying to look like it didn't matter, but not quite managing to cover up his disappointment? She'd hardly even looked at him during the whole encounter. How callous. How unlike her to set aside thought and ignore the person for the sake of keeping the status quo. She was ashamed of herself.

Well, if she had thought about it, would she have had any reason to say yes? James Potter was certainly popular, but that had never mattered to her one way or the other. He was intelligent, no doubt about that. One point in his favor. But he knew he was smarter than everyone else and he used it against the people he didn't like, dueling and casting embarrassing hexes and so forth. It had made her angry that the smartest boys in school could find nothing better to do with their brains than use them to make fun of others. One huge point against him.

Actually, scratch that. If she were honest with herself, she had to admit that he seemed to have gotten past that stage in his life. He no longer acted as though the world revolved around him and existed for his sole enjoyment. She begrudgingly admitted to herself that he was perhaps a tad more mature now than he had been the last time she'd spared a thought for him. And he had even made an effort to ask her out politely and privately this time.

So he was a little bit mature and a whole lot intelligent. What else did she know about him? He was extremely easy-going; he seemed to be enjoying himself most of the time. Granted, it's hard not to enjoy life when one is always surrounded by one's best friends, and that was the case with Potter. At least he understood friendship. Drat... that was one more point in his favor.

All right, fine. James Potter was apparently a perfectly fine fellow, and she'd had no reason to say no to him except that she didn't fancy him. But didn't that count for something? Granted, fancying someone wasn't a prerequisite to dating; she hadn't fancied Chad Corner before she'd gone out with him, but she'd grown to be quite fond of him. Well, she'd liked him until he'd decided that she was a little bit too boring or something and cheated on her. On the other hand, she _had _fancied Sean Corcoran when he'd asked her out, and that had been a complete disaster. A disaster that went on for three months... Still, her mother had always told her, "Lily dearest, never date someone you can't see yourself possibly marrying. Everything else is a waste of time."

Well, she didn't particularly want to spend her last Hogsmeade trip of the year with Potter, and she certainly didn't know if she could ever think of him as husband material, but she did owe him an apology. The corners of her mouth turned up slightly as she wondered what he would do if she ever did say yes. Go running off down the hall pumping his fist in the air? Fall over in a dead faint? Kiss her on the spot? She giggled. Actually, he'd probably hear a no out of habit and go stomping off in a funk.

Her smile vanished.

"Potter? Can I have a word with you?"

He scrambled to his feet, making Sirius Black snicker. "What is it, Lily?" he asked eagerly.

Determined to correct all of her previous day's wrongs, she met his eyes and was surprised to discover that he was looking at her quite intently. And hopefully. And... something else she couldn't quite name, something a bit like resignation and a bit like longing. She felt a small blush rise in her cheeks as she took a deep breath and forced out, "I'm sorry. About yesterday. I was inexcusably rude to you. I didn't take you seriously, and I shouldn't have brushed off your invitation to walk with me to dinner. I just wanted to apologize. I hope you can forgive me." Her voice sounded clipped even to her ears.

Potter offered her a small smile. "Of course," he said softly. Then, in a tone that suggested he already knew the answer, he asked, "Don't suppose you want to change your answer?"

Lily's turn to smile. "Not this time. I like to keep the last trip of the year as kind of a final party with my friends, you know?"

He quirked an eyebrow, ignoring her last comment. "Not this time, but maybe...?" He let the question trail off and hang in the air between them.

"Maybe," she answered enigmatically, turning and flipping her hair over her shoulder as she walked away, grinning to herself and feeling satisfied. _That_ had been on honest answer.

"Hey Em," Lily mused aloud, lying on her back in bed, "what do you suppose Potter would do if I ever actually agreed to go out with him? I mean, what do you suppose we'd actually do? Go for butterbeers? Take a walk around the lake? Or do you think he'd actually come up with something entirely original?"

Emmaline Brown glanced over at Lily appraisingly from where she sat on her own bed. One corner of her mouth curled upwards. "Is our ickle Lilykins actually sparing a moment of thought for her most persistent suitor?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "He asked me to the last Hogsmeade trip, like he always does, and I said no, like I always do. But I was just wondering—purely hypothetically, mind you"—she glared at Emmaline's giggles—"what he'd do if I ever said yes."

Emmaline sighed dramatically. "Oh, I wish someone would do that for me. Chase me forever, no matter how hard I pushed him away, all because he fancied me. Ask me to Hogsmeade, send me flowers on Valentine's Day, give me his cloak when I'm cold..." Her eyes misted over dreamily.

"Stop being such a drama queen," Lily grumbled. "You wouldn't like it at all if you didn't like the person who wouldn't leave you alone. You'd find it annoying. And Potter has never given me flowers for Valentine's Day or given me his cloak when I was cold. He just asks me out in front of large groups of people in embarrassing ways, usually when I'm furious with him."

Emmaline huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, I still think it's cute. And if you hate him so much, then why are you thinking about how things would be if you'd said yes?"

"Oh, I don't hate him," Lily responded. "I just don't fancy him. And it was really just a fleeting thought about the date. Probably because he didn't embarrass me this time when he asked," she said, more to herself than to Emmaline. She rolled over so her face was safe from her friend's surprisingly shrewd stare. "I mean, we don't even really know each other."

"Lily, you've been in almost all the same classes for the last six years, you've shared a common room for six years, you've eaten all your meals at the same table together. What do you mean, you don't know each other?"

"Just because we do all those things doesn't mean we know each other!" Lily protested, rolling back to face Emmaline again. "I mean, I know things like what he looks like and who his friends are, but I don't know anything like... like what kind of music he listens to, or what he and his friends do when they're not pranking people or playing quidditch. I don't know what his favorite foods are, or what his favorite class is, or what he thinks about anything, or... anything else, really."

Emmaline just raised an eyebrow. "So change that. It wouldn't be that hard to learn about him. I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Besides, did you know that kind of stuff about Sean or Chad or David before you went on your first dates with them?

"No," Lily sighed, defeated. "And I suppose if I'm going to be fair to Potter, that means I ought to give him an equal chance. But just for the record, I hate that you're right about this. And I _don't_ fancy him, so no googly eyes and girly giggles and all of that nonsense."

Emmaline grinned cheekily. "Let Mission: Meet James Potter commence."

A/N: Sorry to say, updates may be a bit slow now that school's getting underway, but Lily wanted her chance to have a say in their story. :) R/R.


	2. Chapter 2

Mission: Meet James Potter had actually gone quite smoothly. Emmaline had an amazing aptitude for worming things out of people in a surprisingly subtle way. For instance, she would sit down at breakfast near the so-called "Marauders" (Lily always rolled her eyes at the childishness of the title; she half-expected that they had a "No Girls Allowed" sign posted inside their dormitory and a secret password, like a modified tree house), and then she would converse with them pleasantly while dropping little hooks like, "I adore bananas. What's your favorite fruit, Sirius? Remus? And what about you, James?" If they ever suspected anything, it never showed.

Thanks to Emmaline, Lily now knew quite a ridiculous amount about Potter's eating and grooming habits. For instance, he was usually the second one up in their room. (Peter was the first, which surprised her.) He took showers in the morning, used a shampoo that smelled like coconut (which the other boys hated), and carried a spare pair of old glasses with him at all times, just in case something happened to the ones he was wearing, simply because he was so nearly blind without them. He _did_ brush his hair and have it trimmed periodically, he realized that it _didn't_ look cool when he ruffled it up in the back, and despite his efforts to tame it, it still looked the same anyway. And Lily had found she didn't mind it now that she knew it wasn't just vanity on his part. She knew that his favorite food in the world was split pea soup with ham. His favorite candy was Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, because he loved the unpredictability of them. His favorite fruit was the strawberry, his favorite ice cream was mint chocolate chip, his favorite drink was butterbeer, his favorite vegetable was broccoli, and he hated tapioca because he found the texture repulsive.

Also thanks to Emmaline, Lily could carry on a conversation with Potter and his friends quite amiably for several minutes, though the two of them never talked alone. Initially, it was Potter himself who had struggled with conversation quite a bit, but he seemed to be getting over it. And Lily had discovered he was actually quite interesting. She found herself looking forward to the days when she got to sit near him at mealtimes or in class simply because she knew she'd get a laugh out of it. Periodically she'd look up to find him watching her with a strange expression, but then he'd smile and things would go back to normal. She had been very self-conscious after the first couple of times it had happened, assuming that she'd gotten ink on her face or had been making a peculiar face while she was working, but she had quickly given up trying to figure it out. Instead, she's started to watch him from time to time, trying to see if she could learn anything else about him. She'd discovered that he got a crease between his eyebrows when he was reading intently, that his faced got a bit flushed when he was concentrating particularly hard on something, and that he had very graceful hands. When he looked up into space, he was thinking; when he looked out the window, he was daydreaming. He was remarkably polite and old-fashioned in his manners, at least considering what she'd always thought of him before. He was fiercely loyal to his friends, loyal even to a fault. He and Sirius were like brothers, complete with sibling rivalry and bickering, but only once had she seen them angry at each other for more than a few hours. They'd both starkly refused to comment on what had happened that time.

But Lily loved watching him fly best of all. Maybe it was because she couldn't fly to save her life; she hadn't been able to get a broom to ever lift her more than a foot from the ground. She'd given up trying after first year. But when James Potter was on a broom, he was like a fish in water. There was no doubt in Lily's mind that no one else at Hogwarts could fly like him. Even as a first year student she'd been able to tell that. He was fast and graceful and fearless. And the second he was up in the air, his whole body eased as if letting all of his ordinary human concerns roll to the ground. His face was relaxed, his smile quick and comfortable. Some small part of Lily suspected that if he'd ever thought to ask her out while on a broom, even back in fourth or fifth year when she couldn't stand him, she might have said yes.

But sixth year had come to a close, and Mission: Meet James Potter had been put on hiatus for the summer. Emmaline seemed almost to have forgotten all about it by the time she and Lily met up in Diagon Alley to buy school supplies. She had sighed with happiness when Lily showed off her Head Girl badge, and then she had sighed with despair at the weight of their stack of books, and she had sighed with consternation (more of a huff, really) when witch at Madame Malkin's had suggested she needed a slightly larger robe than last year, and finally she had sighed a heavy sigh full of angst when she revealed that she had been pining for Marcus Grady all summer. It was quite dramatic really, but that was Emmaline for you. Nothing was ever small or simple. But there was not a single mention of James Potter. Lily was slightly disappointed, but a little relieved. She suspected she might have sounded a little overly eager to talk about him, and although Emmaline was a bit of a drama queen, she had amazing intuition about other people's feelings. And Lily had no desire to talk about her feelings toward James Potter just yet. Not until she'd had a chance to figure them out a bit.

Now she was standing on the train outside her compartment, waiting for Emmaline and waiting to find out who the head boy was while she munched happily on a chocolate frog. During her summer-long exile to Muggle territory, she'd forgotten how good they were. Then Potter walked up to her, and she felt like the frog had taken a leap in her stomach.

"Hello, Lily," he said with a friendly smile. "Have a good summer?"

She shrugged. "It was all right, I suppose. Boring, really. It's a bit hard to go back to living like a Muggle after being here for so long."

"Yes, I imagine it would be," James replied. "I'd never really thought about what that must be like. I've never really been without magic, you know?" The train rocked, James put his hands on her shoulders to steady her, and she found herself looking into his eyes from quite a bit closer than she ever had before. They were... dizzying, for lack of a better word. They were an indefinable color, somehow brown and blue and gray all mixed into one, with long, dark lashes. But it was their expressiveness that set her head spinning. They were so much older than the rest of his face, wiser and more perceptive. And very warm.

James coughed slightly and removed his hands, and Lily realized with a blush that she'd been staring a bit too long. Then a glint of gold caught her eye, and she looked down to see the Head Boy badge pinned to his robes. She was surprised to find herself not really surprised at all. "So it's you then," she said, pointing to his badge and then to her own.

He nodded. "Apparently I've done something right," he replied with a wry smile. "I'm not sure at all that I deserve it, but I'm sure Dumbledore has his reasons. Maybe he's just hoping that with the other students looking up to me, I'll finally behave myself and 'live up to my potential.' "

"I'm sure you will, Potter," Lily grinned. "I have to confess I'm glad I'll be working with you and not some nasty Slytherin bloke." Those eyes were positively dizzying. And he had a small scar running through his left eyebrow that she'd never noticed before.

"I'm glad too," James agreed. He hesitated, and then said, "Do you suppose you could call me James? I'd like to think we're friends by now, especially since we'll be working together..."

"Of course, James," Lily agreed quickly, quite aware that he was about to begin rambling. He did that sometimes when he was talking to her.

He looked quite relieved. Then he looked down at his feet. He cleared his throat awkwardly while they tried to think of something else to say. "Well, I'll be seeing you again soon," he managed at last. "I'd best be off to find the others before I find they've taken my seat and given it away to the best-looking girl to walk past." He flashed her a quick smile and turned away.

Lily watched him go in a bit of a daze. Her mind was reeling. She had just discovered that James Potter was really quite good looking. Sure, he wasn't like Sirius with the classical tall, dark, and handsome good looks, and he was no blond Adonis. His nose was a little long and his face was a little thin, but he had a nice smile and beautiful eyes. And she'd just noticed a little dimple in his right cheek. And his hair was really kind of endearing, the way it stuck up in back and fell into his eyes in front. And he was tall; she'd always like tall men. She wondered briefly why she hadn't heard more girls giggling about him in the dormitories.

"Oh, there you are!" Emmaline's breathless arrival interrupted her thoughts. "I've been looking all over for you." She dragged Lily into the compartment, and soon Lily had forgotten all about how good James Potter looked standing there smiling at her. Almost.

It was clear from the very first time he stood before the prefects that James was a born leader. He was comfortable in front of the others, and they clearly respected him. She didn't know whether that was because he was the best quidditch player at the school or because they knew he was smarter than any of them, but in either case Lily was glad to have a partner who could command attention and respect. It made her job a whole lot easier.

Speaking of jobs, she found herself quite looking forward to doing rounds with James. He made the time pass quickly. Having a task to do helped them avoid awkwardness when they weren't talking, and when they were talking, Lily was just happy to be learning more about him.

Now, for instance, she knew that he was an only child, that he secretly thought Professor McGonagall was the best teacher at Hogwarts, that he thought bacon and bleu cheese were a match made in heaven, that he used to sleep with a stuffed snitch named Bubo, and that he had strong opinions on politics but was happy to listen to an opposing argument—so long as it was rational and well-supported. In fact, he seemed to enjoy arguing with her. Well, maybe debating was a better word. And, if she were honest, she had to admit she liked it quite a bit too. They usually ended up agreeing, but neither could resist playing devil's advocate to the other, and a spirited conversation would ensue.

As Lily and James walked past the board one night during rounds, she saw the notice posted to remind everyone about the upcoming Hogsmeade weekend. Her heart gave a little flutter as she wondered briefly if James would ask her again. She'd already decided that if he did, she would say yes. But it was tomorrow, and he hadn't even mentioned it. She was a little nervous that Mission: Meet James Potter had gone so well that, in a perverse twist of fate, she'd begun to fancy him and in return he'd begun to think of her as just a friend.

"Are you going to Hogsmeade tomorrow?" Lily asked, hoping to encourage him.

He just shrugged. "Haven't decided. It might be nice to go flying tomorrow while everyone's gone and I've got the pitch practically to myself. And I'm not out of any supplies yet, so I don't really need to go." He turned away to look down one of the dark corridors for students out of bed.

"Oh." Lily tried not to sound disappointed. "Yeah, I haven't decided yet either. Might be nice to stay back and snooze for a bit, maybe get some homework done. But I don't know." She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He had a strange look on his face again, but not the one he wore when she would catch him looking at her. This one was a little more distant.

He bit his lip for a moment, and Lily thought maybe he was going to ask. She forced herself to look away from his lips and pushed the thought of kissing him out of her mind. She didn't want to embarrass herself. But he said nothing to her.

"Basium solis," James said at last, and the portrait hole swung open.

Oh. They were back already. And he hadn't asked.

"Goodnight, Lily," James said softly after they'd both climbed through. "Maybe I'll see you tomorrow if you decide not to go."

"Yeah, maybe," Lily returned, trying to smile. "Goodnight, James."

She trudged up the dormitory stairs feeling as if they were a mile long. When she got

into the room, she collapsed on her bed with her face in the pillow and let out a groan.

"Lily? What's wrong?" Emmaline asked, stepping out of the bathroom in her pajamas, toweling off her hair.

"He doesn't like me anymore," Lily said in a small voice, muffled by her pillow.

"Who doesn't like you anymore?" Emmaline sat down on the bed and rubbed Lily's back soothingly.

"James," she sighed. "I tried to get him to ask me to Hogsmeade, but he just said he doesn't think he's going to go."

"Maybe he just doesn't feel like going," Emmaline reasoned. "He certainly still acts as though he fancies you something rotten. And he stares at you like he's in love with you."

Lily peeked up from her pillow. "Really?" Her friend nodded. "You don't think this means I've missed my chance, do you, Emmie?"

"Of course not. Though if you don't mind my asking, when did you start fancying him?"

Lily sighed heavily. "I don't know. Sometime during Mission: Meet James Potter, I suppose."

Emmaline grinned. "I told you it was a good idea."

"It's only a good idea if he asks me out again," Lily pointed out.

"Well, yes, but that's inevitable. So it was a good idea. What do you like so much about him?" she inquired, quirking an eyebrow and smiling slightly.

"I don't know, just... him," Lily confessed. "I like that he makes me think. And I like that he makes me laugh. And I just like his personality. And I like his smile. And his eyes make me dizzy."

"Oh," Emmaline squealed, "that's so cute!" Lily glared at her. "Aw, come on, Lily, it is. I can't wait for you two to start going out."

"Again, great plan—but only if he ever asks me out again," Lily reminded her.

"Oh, he will," Emmaline assured her confidently, "it's just a matter of time. And maybe some convincing that he won't ruin your new friendship if he asks."

Lily was still dubious, but she felt slightly better. Maybe what she needed to do was just start dropping subtle hints. If only she could think of what kinds of hints those might be...


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Lily woke to the sound of the other girls in her dormitory fighting over the bathroom. She sighed and rolled over despondently. No need for her to get in line. Who cared what she looked like today? If she went into Hogsmeade, she'd be going by herself. Marcus Grady had finally asked Emmaline, and most of the other girls were going with their boyfriends. Lily had no desire to be a third wheel. Yet if she stayed behind, she'd be staying by herself. She might as well lie in bed all day.

"Lily? Are you coming or not?" Emmaline called.

Lily grimaced. James had been right last night; there was no reason she needed to go. And frankly, she'd rather be bored in view of James in the common room than bored in view of Emmaline and Marcus in Hogsmeade while she was in this foul mood. At least James might actually talk to her; Emmaline would be too wrapped up in Marcus to pay Lily any attention. And really, who wanted to take a grumpy best friend along on a first date? Besides, she knew Emmaline too well to think her friend would be able to keep her mouth shut all day about this interesting turn of events, and the last thing she wanted was to be reminded of how much she now liked James and how little he now seemed to like her.

"No," Lily grunted through her pillow. "I need more sleep. But you have fun with Marcus." She pulled back the curtains just long enough to glimpse Emmaline and say, "You look beautiful, by the way."

"Thanks. Well, I won't hurry back to check on you," Emmaline responded. Her tone indicated that she'd obviously expected Lily to stay behind, and Lily was quite sure that neither of them really believed she was going to be sleeping.

When the other girls had all gone and silence fell again, Lily tried once more to go back to sleep. After half an hour of tossing and turning, she gave it up as a hopeless cause and threw back her curtains in a funk. She stomped over to the bathroom and took a long, hot shower. Then she flopped back onto her bed and tried to do some homework, but found she couldn't concentrate. She settled for staring morosely out of the dormitory window.

Eventually, her stomach rumbled loudly, reminding her that she'd better get to the Great Hall quickly if she wanted breakfast. As Lily hurried down the steps and toward the portrait hole, it suddenly swung open and she ran smack into the person coming through it before she could stop herself. She apologized profusely and turned a shade of red she knew must be almost as bright as her hair as James picked himself up off the floor, laughing at her.

"Good morning, Lily," he said, offering her his hand. She took it, face still flaming, and he helped her up. "And where were you off to in such a hurry?"

"Well, I was hoping to catch the end of breakfast," she explained, unable to look at him as her traitorous mind thought of how good he'd smelled up close and added it to the list of James' good qualities.

"Well, I'm afraid you've missed it," James informed her. "Everything was just being cleared up as I left. But it won't be long before lunch starts." He gave her a kind smile, and she nodded her agreement. "Besides, I thought you fancied a bit of a lie-in this morning. What happened to that plan?"

"The other girls were making such a racket getting ready to go that I couldn't get back to sleep. Hogsmeade dates, you know," she added casually in a last effort to provide him with a chance, hoping against hope that he'd somehow just forgotten and this would suddenly remind him to ask her.

But James only nodded and replied, "Ah yes, the very reason why I am here and Sirius is there. He doesn't really appreciate me tagging along for some reason." He rolled his eyes and grinned at her. "Peter's working feverishly to catch up on homework; I think he's finding N.E.W.T. level quite a bit more difficult than he'd expected. And Remus has not been feeling well the last couple of days, so he's up in the hospital wing."

Lily nodded. "I'd noticed he wasn't in class yesterday." She paused, feeling suddenly a little foggy-headed as she met James's warm grey eyes. There was something in the way he looked at her, as intently as if she were the only thing he could see at the moment, that always made her heart stop for a beat... Her stomach growled loudly, drawing her attention, and she heard James snicker.

"Well, if you're as hungry as all that, why don't you just head on down to the kitchens for a bite? The house elves will be happy to get you something."

Lily stared at him blankly. "Head on down the kitchens?" she repeated.

He nodded. "Haven't you ever been before? I thought surely a smart girl like yourself would have discovered them by now." Lily just shook her head. "Well, come on then," James said, indicating the way.

As they walked quietly down the corridor, Lily stole a glance at her companion. He always strolled around the castle as though it were his own, and today was no exception. She smiled to herself as she noticed his hair was even messier than usual; she imagined he probably hadn't even bothered to comb it for a Saturday alone in the castle. Then he caught her looking, grinned a little sheepishly, and patted his hair down in vain. She laughed and told him to stop trying. Just then, he stopped and tickled the pear in one of the paintings. As it giggled and swung open, he gestured inside and said, "Welcome to the kitchens, Miss Evans."

After she overcame her initial shock, she found it to be quite cozy and pleasant. Munching blissfully on some toast, she noticed James watching her with that same look he often had in class. A slightly awkward silence fell, broken only by the sounds of chewing, until James leaned forward in his chair and asked conspiratorially, "So why did you really stay back today? I don't believe you really meant to sleep all day, and I know you too well to think our Head Girl needs to catch up on mad amounts of homework."

Lily shrugged, feeling a little awkward. "I didn't have a date, and almost all of my friends did. I guess I felt more inclined to wallow in my solitude here than to spend all day as the odd man out—or odd woman, in my case."

"Yes, you're a very odd woman," James teased. Lily, her mouth full of toast, gave him a half-hearted smile. "So no date?" he mused curiously, settling back in his chair. "Is that due to a lack of opportunities, or a lack of interest in the available opportunities?"

Lily sighed and grimaced. This was not the person she wanted to have this conversation with. James was surveying her with those dizzying eyes of his, and she felt as though she were treading on eggshells as she tried to think of a suitable answer. She wished she had a better grasp on the art of subtlety so that she could somehow let James know she'd been hoping to go with him, yet without telling him straight out, facing rejection, and possibly ruining the friendship they'd finally established. But subtlety had never been a strong point of hers; she'd always been much better at baldly stating how she felt about things without any thought of how her words might affect someone. Especially when she lost her temper. For instance, she'd been quite up front about how she'd regarded James' old treatment of others, like Severus Snape... The thought gave her a little twinge of regret.

"I suppose a bit of both," she replied at last, looking at what remained of her toast. "I turned down the swaggering fourth year when he asked because I wasn't interested, and the opportunity I was hoping for failed to present itself." Despite her effort to remain casual, even she could make out the disappointment that had crept into her tone at the end.

For a long time, James just looked at her, his steady eyes compassionate and curious. At first, Lily felt as though he could see right through her, and she began to redden and squirmed inwardly. Then James said quietly, "He's a fool." His eyes took on a mischievous twinkle as he added, "Want me to punch him in the face?"

Lily laughed and shook her head. "No, that's not necessary. I'm a big girl now; I think I can deal with a little disappointment now and then."

"How bad is it?" he asked lightly, tilting his chair back. "Did he ask another girl, or just no one at all?"

"No one," Lily admitted.

James nodded sagely. "Well, that's all right then. He's probably just a chicken. It'd much worse if he'd clearly been interested in someone else."

"Who made you the love doctor?" Lily inquired, eyebrows raised in amusement. "I would think it's better to know that he's just interested in someone else at the moment—someone whom he might get over—than to know that he'd rather be alone than suffer through being with me."

"That's a rather dire reading of the situation," James pointed out. "It's probably not as bad as all that. My vast experience in being rejected for Hogsmeade dates"—he grinned at her, though his eyes didn't crinkle as much as usual, and Lily's twinge of regret grew stronger—"tells me that at worst, he's just oblivious. I've never met a bloke who wouldn't want to go out with you if you'd have him. And at best, he's just too nervous to ask you out. After all, you can be a very intimidating woman." He gave her a smile, but Lily felt worse.

"I'm really sorry about that. The vast experience in rejection, that is," she explained, picking at the tablecloth. "I can't believe how mean I was to you. I was completely out of line. I should never have said all those things."

"It's all right," James said quietly. "I shouldn't have been such an arrogant toe rag in the first place. You were right about me, and you were probably the only person I would have listened to. If anyone else had accused me of being arrogant, I probably would have laughed and called them jealous. But I knew you were every bit as smart as I was, so you weren't just jealous, and I cared far too much about what you thought of me to ignore your accusations. And honestly, I deserved everything you gave me."

"You always picked the worst possible times to ask," Lily mumbled miserably. "Right in the middle of a blazing row, usually."

James nodded assent. "I'm certainly not proud of myself for that, and I don't blame you for always turning me down with such venom. I needed to be taken down a few pegs. Though in my defense, it was the only time you ever used to talk to me, you know. I would have been happy to slip it into the middle of any other conversation if we'd ever had any others." He grinned, but again Lily noticed that it didn't make his eyes crinkle. With a pang, she also noticed that he'd used the past tense: he would have been happy...

"The past is the past," James continued with a shrug, and Lily's heart plummeted. "I was an arrogant pig, and you let me have it. We're even. And I'd like to think we're friends now, which means that you don't have to yell at me all the time for being a stupid ass, and I get to talk to you once in a while about something other than what a stupid ass I've just been. It works out well for both of us, don't you think?"

Lily nodded reluctantly. So they were friends now. James had said it himself. Just friends. He liked it that way.

It had never made her feel so terrible to be told that she was someone's friend.

James, sensing her glum mood, decided to change the subject. "Enough about that," he said firmly. "Now you tell me about this idiot who hasn't got the man parts to ask you to Hogsmeade." This time his grin was genuine, dimples included, and Lily's heart did an impressive somersault at the sight despite herself.

"Well," she began, heart in her throat as she wondered if James would recognize himself, "he's quite intelligent, but I don't think he works very hard."

"I know the type."

_I'll bet you do,_ she thought wryly. "He's quite a bit of fun to be around. Definitely knows how to have a good laugh. Very loyal, excellent friend. Good to talk with. Enjoys spontaneity." She paused, reluctant to be any more specific.

"Good-looking, undoubtedly?" James inquired, eyes a curious mixture of teasing and something else more serious.

Lily blushed and nodded. "Amazing eyes. I can't stop staring at them." She didn't dare look up from the table lest she give herself away.

"In our year?"

"Well, he's no swaggering fourth year," she replied with a small smile.

James chuckled. "You know, Sirius asked out one of the seventh year girls when we were in fourth. Not the Head Girl, mind you, but she actually said yes. They spent every spare moment for the next month snogging in broom cupboards all over the school. I walked in on them more times than I care to count." He shuddered and shook his head. "Actually, if you hadn't already said he's not on a date today, I'd have thought your mystery man was Sirius."

"No! Definitely not Sirius!" she exclaimed, slightly alarmed at how close he was. Then, remembering he was James' best friend, she hastily amended, "I mean, I like him all right, he's a lovely person, and I suppose he's quite good-looking, but he's not really my type."

"Really?" James' eyebrows rose. "I was under the impression that Sirius was everyone's type." Despite his smile, his tone was surprisingly cool.

"Jealous, are we?" Lily inquired slyly.

"Nah," James shook his head unconvincingly, "not really. He wouldn't know how to have a serious relationship if it bit him in the nose. It's all about snogging for him, and sometimes a bit more. I mean, he's my best mate and all, and he's a great friend, but he's a terrible date. Picks the best-looking Muggle-born girl he can find, snogs her until he gets sick of it, and moves on."

"Always Muggle-born girls?" Lily couldn't help interrupting.

James nodded. "He does it to piss off his parents. Another reason why he has such terrible relationships. Coming from an ancient pure-blood family of Slytherins, he feels it his duty as the first-ever Black in Gryffindor to emphasize how very different he is. Which means as much fraternization with Muggles and Muggle-borns as he can manage. And he's managed quite a lot." Lily could tell by the flat tone of his voice that he didn't much approve of Sirius' behavior, but that he had long since given up on trying to change it. "I suppose it doesn't help that he's always had girls practically throwing themselves at him. And even as a heterosexual male, I have to admit I can understand why. He's damn good-looking." He cracked a smile, and Lily smiled back. "Any eighteen year old male surrounded by hoards of eager women is undoubtedly going to be tempted a time or two. But it is hard not to envy him the ease of a date. They've not come so easily for me."

"Which is quite silly, really," said Lily gently, feeling a bit sorry for James and a little guilty for her old part in his difficulties in dating. "You're really every bit as appealing as he is," she offered, "just in a slightly different way."

James reddened slightly, and she felt herself flush a bit. "Thanks," he said gruffly.

"So," she started, eager to distract him before things got more awkward, "now you know why I'm not in Hogsmeade. What's your real reason?"

"Like I told you before, I'd be there by myself and I've got no reason to go," he shrugged. "I've no interest in going along on Sirius' date, no interest in sitting by myself in tea shops all day, and no date of my own."

"And why is that?"

He turned very red this time. "The girl I would have liked to go with would undoubtedly have said no, so I didn't ask."

"You didn't even ask her?" Lily burst out incredulously. "Come on, James, that's not like you. You didn't even try?"

He just shrugged and smiled wistfully. "Guess I just wasn't up for another lost cause this time round. Maybe next time."

Silence settled around them. After a few minutes, Lily got up. "Well, I think that's enough to keep my stomach at bay until lunch. Shall we go back?"

"Let's," James agreed. Lily thanked the house-elves, and they ambled back to the common room quietly.

When they reached the portrait hole, James gave the password and told Lily as she climbed through, "I'm going for a bit of a ride on my broom. I'll see you around later, all right?" Then he walked away, looking pensive.

Lily watched him go, letting the portrait swing closed when he'd turned the corner and was out of sight. She sighed. What kind of Gryffindor couldn't even pluck up the courage to tell a bloke she liked him? Even if he did say that he liked just being friends… Lily made her way up to her dormitory, selected a book to read, and returned to the common room. She settled into the chair right beneath the window facing the quidditch pitch, convincing herself she needed a little sunshine. And when she looked up a few minutes later, she could just make out James' body soaring through the air as though he belonged there.

She never finished her chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

A month passed, and Lily was growing frustrated by James' continued friendliness and his absolute lack of demonstrable romantic interest. Emmaline assured her that she just wasn't looking at things from the right perspective, that James still fancied her to death and it was obvious to everyone else, but Lily was not convinced.

She was also frustrated by her own increasing inability to function coherently when he was too close. There had been a few incidents at dinner when James had slid into the seat next to her, startling her into spilling her pumpkin juice, or when he had leaned across her a bit to reach something on the table and her quick intake of breath had rendered her unable to speak for several minutes while she coughed up bits of mashed potatoes or corn. The last time it had happened, Sirius had looked at her quite suspiciously, and Lily was afraid he had an inkling of what was happening to her. She was sure it hadn't helped that once or twice when James had met her eyes across the table, she'd promptly dragged her sleeve through something slimy without noticing until a few minutes later.

However, the most embarrassing incident had been a few nights ago during rounds. James was answering a question she'd asked him, and as she watched him, admiring the mysterious color of his eyes, she'd walked directly into a suit of armor and sent it crashing to the floor. Filch and Mrs. Norris had appeared moments later, eager to find students out of bed, and James had had to laughingly explain that it was simply an accident, and Filch couldn't very well set them a detention for doing their rounds. Lily had felt as though she would've liked very much to crawl into a small, dark hole in a remote location and stay there for several years. But when he saw the color of her face, James had tried to repress his grin and kindly refrained from teasing her about it.

Lily was determined that she was going to regain and retain control of herself during rounds tonight. So when James met up with her, eyes shining and face flushed from quidditch practice, she allowed herself to smile back, but then made a conscious effort to look away from him and look at the doorway as they passed through it.

He amazed her as always with his knowledge of the castle, all of its corridors and passageways, surprising a few students as well who had thought they were safe from detection in a secret nook or cranny. She was quite pleased to find that with a little effort, she managed to keep her wits about her and to avoid letting James' dizzying eyes turn her brain to mush for more than a moment or two. She supposed it helped that James had a personal space bubble the size of London, so he always kept his distance.

When they returned to the nearly empty common room, they said goodnight and parted. Lily hesitated for a moment, not wanting him to go just yet. "James!" she called impulsively. He stopped halfway up the stairs and looked inquisitively at her. "Fancy a game of chess?" She wasn't surprised when he looked quite baffled, being unsure herself exactly why she'd suggested it.

"Now, Lily? It's rather late."

"I know, but I'm not going to be able to fall asleep just yet, and I wouldn't mind some company. If you're not too tired. If you are, that's all right. You can just go to bed." She couldn't seem to make herself stop talking.

He continued to look at her for a moment curiously and then nodded. "I'll get my set and be right down."

A minute later, he appeared with his chessmen and they set up the board. "Thanks, James," Lily said sheepishly when everything was in place. "I know it's a bizarre thing to have asked at this time of night. I'm not even very good at chess." She laughed nervously. "Emma taught me, and she can't ever seem to make a decision that isn't half impulse. Not really ideal for a game of strategy."

James smiled. "Don't expect me to go too easy on you. I know what a clever witch you are."

"Well, since I'm keeping you up, how about we make a deal?" she offered, surprising herself again. She really needed to start filtering what came out of her mouth, especially around James. But it was too late for this one. "Winner gets to ask the loser to do something, and the loser can't refuse. Like truth or dare chess with only one question." She knew there was a good chance she'd lose, but she was no coward. And if she were lucky, maybe James would ask her to do something she already wanted to do…

He agreed, and she wrenched herself away from thoughts of all kinds of pleasant things James

might want her to do to him. She had a game of chess to play, and she certainly didn't intend to go down without a fight.

As the game continued, she was surprised to find that she wasn't losing as badly as she had thought she might. James had made an uncharacteristically ill-planned move as she was taking down her ponytail that had helped her quite a lot. She had found that winding a strand of her hair around her finger helped her keep her mind on the game and off of James. Though when he moved his feet and his leg brushed up against hers for a second, she was nonetheless very glad it was his move. But he promptly made a disastrously short-sighted choice once again, and she beamed at him and had him checkmated in a couple of turns.

James shook his head and looked mildly disgusted with himself. She knew it hadn't been his best game, but she was too elated to care.

"So what's it to be?" James asked resignedly. "Transfiguring Slughorn into a walrus? Nicking McGonagall's dressing gown and wearing it to class? Running starkers around the Great Hall?"

Lily giggled. "Tempting though that is, I was thinking of something a little less publicly embarrassing." James looked slightly relieved and Lily tried not to think of him naked. She had no doubt that had Sirius been in charge of choosing his fate, it would have been something designed for large, public humiliation. But she had something personal she needed to know once and for all. "You have to ask out the girl you didn't ask to Hogsmeade last time. On a date _before_ the next Hogsmeade trip."

James paled considerably. "Lily, no. Not that. Please, pick something else," he begged, rather to her surprise. "I honestly think I'd rather run starkers around the Great Hall."

"Oh, come on," she laughed, "it can't be that bad. What's the worst that can happen? If she turns you down, she'll undoubtedly say no in a much less embarrassing way than some others you've already survived. And unless she's a complete idiot, she'll say yes, and then you'll have a wonderful time together and you'll thank me. What have you got to lose?"

"Besides my dignity?" James asked dryly. He paused for a moment before answering quietly, "A friendship. She's just finally started talking to me, and if I ask her now, she'll stop."

"Then she's a fool," Lily murmured seriously, borrowing James' words from their breakfast in the kitchen. Then, with a wicked gleam in her eyes as she remembered what James had said next, she added, "I'll punch her in the face."

James chuckled weakly. "I can be a good loser and I won't back down. But I'm holding you entirely responsible for the consequences of the action I'm about to take. I just want you to be fully cognizant of the fact that this is all going to be on your head if things go badly. And they will." He looked at her pointedly.

She rolled her eyes, but nodded. "Fair enough."

James turned to the board and picked up his pieces. "Now I really need to go to bed, if you'll excuse me. If I sleep through Transfiguration one more time, McGonagall will have my head."

"Of course. Thanks for playing. And for not being a sore loser." She allowed herself to look up into his hypnotic eyes one last time before bed, enjoying the slight feeling of disorientation. Then her elbow slid off the table and she jerked quite ungracefully. The corner of James' mouth twitched, but he said nothing as she blushed and headed up the stairs.

Still, weeks went by and Lily heard nothing. The one time she'd asked James if he'd asked out his mystery girl yet, he just shook his head and told her tersely that he would let her know when he did. So when the announcement for the next Hogsmeade trip was posted, she simply reminded him that his time was running short, and he nodded, once again looking slightly paler.

Then, as she was sitting at lunch one day with Emmaline, she saw Peter Pettigrew hurrying into the Great Hall looking quite disgruntled. As he reached Remus and Sirius, who were devouring vast quantities of food a few seats down from her, Lily distinctly heard him ask, "What's this I hear about James asking Amelia Diffle to Hogsmeade?"

Lily's fork clattered to her plate. Remus glanced over just in time to see her shocked face before she turned back to her lunch, face flaming. "Where'd you hear that?" Remus asked, still looking curiously at Lily. She studiously avoided his gaze.

"Ernie Banks told me just now in Charms," Peter said, voice still filled with consternation.

Lily poked at a strawberry, suddenly not very hungry. She shouldn't really have expected James to pine after her forever, especially not after their conversation in the kitchens. This shouldn't have been a surprise. But she couldn't deny that it still hurt to hear it confirmed. James had moved on.

Sirius looked up and asked through a mouthful of chicken, "Amelia Diffle? Why on earth would he do that? She's not his type at all." He took a swig of pumpkin juice and continued, "Amelia may be a great snog, but she hasn't got an ounce of personality, which James has always seemed to think is far more important."

"Well, I don't know why he'd do it!" Peter complained. "I just wanted to know if he really had. But I suppose if he hasn't said anything to you either, I don't feel so left out."

"Why don't you ask him yourselves? He'll be here in two seconds," Remus pointed out.

And Lily glanced over to see him sliding into the seat beside Peter, looking slightly breathless and even more disheveled than usual. Maybe he'd been finding out for himself what a great snog Amelia was...

"You didn't really ask out Amelia Diffle, did you?" Sirius asked without introduction.

"Amelia Diffle?" James repeated blankly, loading up his plate. "Why on earth would I do that? You know she's not my type. She hasn't got an ounce of personality."

"See, what did I tell you?" Sirius said confidently as he turned back to Peter. "I believe those were almost my exact words, in fact. What a preposterous rumor. Anyway, where've you really been?"

Lily exhaled a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Maybe she would eat the rest of this strawberry tart after all... Suddenly she realized that Emmaline was in the middle of telling her about her Muggle Studies class, and she forced her attention back to her best friend. But there was a little niggling feeling in the back of her mind, telling her that while it may not have been Amelia Diffle today, it would be another girl some day soon, and Lily was going to have to deal with it.

That night, as Lily was spreading out her parchment in the common room, Montague Brinks approached. Montague was a well-built, relatively attractive sixth year whom Lily recognized as a beater on the Gryffindor quidditch team. She thought quite highly of him, but they'd never talked much, so she was quite surprised to see him sit down on the sofa beside her.

"Arithmancy?" he asked conversationally, gesturing to the book lying open next to her. She nodded, and he continued, "It's really quite fascinating, isn't it? I didn't think I'd like it at all when I started, but it's become one of my favorite subjects."

"Mine too," Lily agreed, silently wondering why he'd come over.

He brushed his sandy brown hair out of his eyes and leaned forward. "Listen Lily, I know we've never really talked much, so let me cut to the chase. I know we hardly know each other, but I think we could get on together quite well. I was hoping you'd go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend and find out. I think we'd have a great time. What do you say?"

She stared at him, wide-eyed in surprise. Then she opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. What should she say? On the one hand, she had always thought he was a decent bloke and he was probably right that they'd get on well and have a great time. On the other hand... Her eyes involuntarily flicked over to where James sat, brow furrowed and face slightly flushed, muttering to himself and scribbling furiously on a piece of parchment.

Montague followed her eyes. "Ah," he nodded, noting the object of her contemplation. "If that's how it is, then forget I asked." He smiled. "I like you all right, but I haven't got any desire to interfere with the legendary saga of James Potter and Lily Evans. I only asked because I thought it might finally be over."

"I think it is," Lily murmured, still watching James tug on his hair as a little line formed between his eyebrows and he added another burst of scribbles to his parchment. "And it's not like that. I don't even like him," she added defensively, turning back to Montague. He just raised an eyebrow knowingly. "Okay, fine," she admitted. "Maybe I do a little."

He smirked and shook his head. "If you don't mind my asking, why'd you always tell him no?"

Lily flushed and looked down at her hands. "He used to be an idiot," she mumbled. Montague laughed, and James looked up. When he saw them, his eyebrows shot up and something strange passed through his eyes. But then he looked back at his parchment, frowning as he crossed something out. Lily sighed and continued, "Then he quit being an idiot, but he also quit asking me out."

"Why don't you just tell him you like him?" Montague asked. "Then instead of both sitting here being miserable, you could actually go out on a date with him."

Lily rolled her eyes. "As if it's that simple. 'Hey James, I know I swore that I hated your guts, but I changed my mind and now that you haven't asked me out in nearly a year, I've decided that I'd like very much to go out with you. Are you free tomorrow?'"

Montague shrugged. "Doesn't sound like a bad plan to me. But if you won't tell him, then I guess I should just do it myself. Somebody needs to."

"Don't you dare!" Lily hissed, making him laugh again.

"Fine," he agreed, amused, "I won't say anything. But you're the one making yourself miserable. James would go out with you in a second if you got up the guts to let him know. Didn't you see how jealous he was a moment ago?" He got up, still chuckling to himself. "I'll see you around, Lily. Good luck with my captain." He sauntered off in the direction of James' table.

Lily watched nervously as Montague sat down across from James and chatted casually for a few minutes, then departed up the staircase to the boys' dormitory. But there was no apparent change in James' behavior or expression, so she assumed that he'd kept silent about her as promised.

As she lay tossing and turning in her bed that night, she couldn't help wondering if Montague was right. Maybe she should just say something and make life easier for everyone by getting it out in the open. Maybe James really would go out with her in a second. But maybe she wanted to know that James still fancied her enough to go through the trial of asking. Or maybe she was just a chicken. And maybe she should have just said yes to Montague and given up on James. He certainly wasn't showing any signs of being interested in anything other than friendship anymore, and Montague wouldn't have been a bad choice to start a reentry into the dating world. But it wouldn't have been fair to him to spend all day wishing she were with James instead... She sighed and buried her head underneath her pillow, head aching and emotions swirling.


	5. Chapter 5

The last weekend before Hogsmeade came and went, and Lily and James set off on their usual Tuesday night rounds. The rumors about Amelia Diffle had stopped, and Lily had overheard in the girls' bathroom that Amelia had actually started them herself in hopes that James would think about making them real now that he seemed to have gotten over Lily Evans. The other girls seemed to think that although these tactics were rather ridiculous, the end goal was quite desirable now that James Potter was finally free. The whole conversation had made Lily feel slightly nauseous. And still, James had not told her about any other girls. She was sure that he would keep his word, but she had long since started to worry about the results. He'd had plenty of opportunities to ask her, and none of them had been taken. Besides, there were only three days left before Hogsmeade in which James could squeeze in a date with his mystery girl. Lily was starting to hope that maybe he would chicken out, although that would be incredibly un-James-like, and she could pretend she'd never put him up to it. She wasn't quite sure she could handle being gracious and happy for him if he went off to Hogsmeade on Saturday with someone else.

Still, they walked and talked companionably on their rounds as usual, though Lily noticed James looked a bit peaky and distracted. As they finished up and turned back toward Gryffindor tower, he stopped abruptly and turned to her. "Lily, I told you I'd let you know when I fulfilled our deal from the chess game, and I promised not to be a sore loser."

Lily's heart was in her throat. Here it was; he was going to tell her he'd asked, and surprisingly, if the way he was looking was any indication, he'd been shot down. And she was going to feel terrible, not only because he'd had his heart broken and she'd made him do it, but because he hadn't asked her. And the worst of it was that he wouldn't even know why she really felt so wretched. Why had her mouth insisted on that stupid chess game?

"Lily," James was saying, rubbing the back of his neck in agitation, "I really don't want this to damage our friendship now that we've finally started to get on well together, but I promised, so here goes. Still I don't know why you think that after twenty-eight no's, the twenty-ninth time will be the charm..." He took a deep breath and said in a voice already resigned to the inevitable, "Lily, I would really like it if you would agree to go on a date with me later this week." She saw the dull flush creep up his neck as he continued to look at the floor.

Lily was James' mystery girl. He still wanted to go out with her. It took a minute to sink in. "Oh. Okay," she said, shocking herself with her own composure. Relief flooded her veins, quickly turning to excitement, and she sensed that she was on the verge of an explosion of happy giggles. He still wanted her. She was starting to grin like an idiot, but she couldn't help it.

His eyes flicked to hers in surprise, and he just blinked at her wordlessly. Once. Twice. Three times. Then at last, "I'm sorry, did you say 'okay'? As in yes?"

She nodded, still grinning and biting her lip to keep the giggles in. "As in, 'Yes James, I'd like very much to go on a date with you later this week. I thought you'd never ask.'"

"Oh. That's… that's great." He ran his hand through his hair, looking completely at a loss for words. "When?" he managed.

"How about tomorrow night?" she suggested. They were both blushing now, and James looked as relieved as she felt. "Our homework load should be pretty light, so we won't have to rush," she supplied, starting to feel a bit shy as he continued to stare at her in disbelief.

He seemed to regain his composure and nodded. "Tomorrow's good. After dinner?"

She nodded back. "I'll meet you in the common room."

"You really want to go on a date with me?" James asked once more, still looking thoroughly confused. "I didn't startle you into saying yes when what you really meant to say was that you'd appreciate it if I'd please stop asking once and for all? You do realize who you're talking to, don't you? That this is James Potter, the same James Potter you've said no to for years?"

Lily laughed. "Of course I do. If you were anyone else, I'd have said no. Basium solis."

Lily stepped through the portrait hole, James close behind her. "I'll see you tomorrow, Lily," he said with a brilliant smile, and he bounded up the stairs.

"Goodnight, James!" Lily called after him, grinning. She had just about reached her dormitory when she heard a loud noise coming from the boys' side. It sounded quite a bit like a whoop and a few cheers.

"What was that?" Emmaline asked as Lily opened the door.

"I expect that was James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter," she answered calmly.

"And why would they be making a noise like that?" Emmaline asked suspiciously. Lily just smiled enigmatically and disappeared into the bathroom.

When she emerged and flopped down onto her bed with a happy sigh, Emmaline asked shrewdly, "So when's the date?"

Lily giggled, finally letting out some of the excitement she'd been keeping in check. "Tomorrow. After dinner."

Emmaline squealed. "He finally asked you?"

Lily nodded, beaming.

"Oh Lily!" Emmaline exclaimed rapturously. "I knew James still fancied you, I just knew it! I'm so happy for you!"

Suddenly hangings were ripped back from two of the other beds in the dormitory and two more heads poked out into the room. "Wait, you're going on a date with James Potter tomorrow?" one of the girls asked. When Lily nodded, all three of the other girls in the room squealed and sighed. She laughed happily.

"I'll tell you all about it afterwards," she promised. "But now I need to get my beauty sleep."

"Not that James will care either way," Emmaline pointed out dreamily. "He's far too in love with you for that."

Lily's cheeks ached from smiling by the time she closed the hangings around her bed and snuggled down beneath the covers. By this time tomorrow, she'd have been on a date with James Potter. With any luck, maybe she'd even have kissed him. Another couple of giggles escaped at the thought.

* * *

Lily stared at her reflection and flashed herself a nervous smile. "Lovely," the mirror wheezed. She took a deep breath to calm the butterflies in her stomach. As she let it out, the door creaked open, and Emmaline stuck her head in through the crack.

"I just wanted to wish you good luck tonight," she said.

"Thanks, Em." Lily gave her friend a slightly wobbly smile. "Do I look all right?"

Emmaline smiled. "You look beautiful. James won't be able to take his eyes off you. Speaking of whom, he's sitting in the common room waiting for you. He looks a bit like he's about to pass out, but apart from that, I've got to say he's looking rather delicious this evening." She waggled her eyebrows and winked. "Go put the poor boy out of his misery." She retracted her head and closed the door.

Lily laughed, feeling a little more relaxed. At least she wasn't the only nervous one. In fact, James was probably far more nervous than she was. And really, it wasn't going to be entirely different from rounds, was it? It would hardly be the first time they'd spent alone together. It would just be the first time they'd spent time alone together knowing that they weren't just friends after all…

Periodically throughout the day, Lily and James had made eye contact, both blushed furiously, and looked away quickly, grinning. They both seemed to have regressed in their ability to speak to one another. Their friends seemed to find it highly amusing. At least Emmaline had been quiet about it. Sirius had not hesitated to start teasing James about returning to his behavior from a couple of years earlier, and he'd actually made James so flustered that he'd knocked over his cauldron in Potions and nearly earned a detention for tonight. Lily was glad he hadn't. She didn't think she could have forgiven Sirius for that.

By lunchtime, it seemed that everybody in Gryffindor had heard about their date for tonight. Lily had never felt so self-conscious; everywhere she went, there were eyes following her and she caught snatches of whispers like, "said she'd go out with the giant squid," and "must've asked twenty or thirty times." She'd had no idea that everyone else cared so much about her love life, but apparently the rather public nature of her relationship with James had created an abnormal level of interest. At least Montague had winked and given her a thumbs-up.

Now Lily checked that her hairclip was secure, straightened her clothes, and walked out of the room. James looked up as she came down the stairs and she gave him a little nervous smile. Emmaline's description had been quite accurate; he did look as though he might faint, but was otherwise as attractive as she had ever seen him. He'd clearly put in more than the usual effort with his hair; it was almost lying flat for the first time in Lily's memory. She could tell his shirt set off his eyes even before she reached the bottom of the stairs, and she thought with a little surge of happiness that she would be able to gaze into them all she wanted tonight without having to pretend that she wasn't. And when James' face broke into a relieved smile and her stomach flip-flopped, she knew she was going to spend the rest of the evening feeling as though her brains had turned to mush anyway.

He met her at the bottom of the stairs. The unusually crowded common room had been quiet since she'd opened the door, and she knew everyone was watching them. "Let's go outside, shall we?" James suggested in a low voice, glancing around at the eager faces. Lily nodded gratefully, and he led her out into the corridor.

"Sorry," he said in a more normal voice as they started to walk. "I just thought it would be better to talk out here than in there with all of them circling like vultures." She agreed, and he continued, "I was thinking that maybe we could just go for a walk by the lake or something to start off. I know it's not very original, but it's been rather difficult to think of something creative for a Wednesday night at school." He smiled weakly.

"A walk by the lake would be lovely," Lily assured him. "Who knows?" she added with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, "Maybe we can even ask the giant squid to join us. I'll have to break it to him sometime that I've chosen you over him at last. He'll probably be heartbroken."

James laughed. "I imagine it'll be a very difficult time for him. He'll probably hide at the bottom of the lake sulking for days."

They ambled companionably down to the lake, occasionally stealing glances at each other when they thought the other wasn't looking. They talked about N.E.W.T.s and they talked about quidditch, and they talked more about the giant squid as he reached a lazy tentacle out of the water. When they reached the other side of the lake, they sat down under a tree and just watched the surface ripple and sparkle in the fading light.

"So, James," Lily broke the silence, "why _didn't_ you ask me to Hogsmeade last term? I was all set to say yes, you know, and then you never asked."

"Well," he said, flushing bright red, "like I told you, I thought it was a lost cause, and I didn't feel up to another rejection. The last one took the wind out of my sails a bit since I actually put a bit of effort into asking nicely for once, and I guess I wanted a bit of time to lick my wounds." He smiled ruefully. "Besides, you were finally talking to me as a friend, and by trying to think of you as just another of my friends, I was finally managing to act normally around you instead of turning into a complete imbecile as I'd always done before. I guess I had reached the point where I thought that if I could be friends with you, maybe that would be close enough for me to live with."

"I thought that the maybe I gave you last year might be enough to encourage you to try again," Lily explained. "When you didn't ask this year, I tried to bring it up, hoping that maybe you just needed an opening, but instead you just told me you weren't going at all."

"Wait. So when you told me that you didn't go because the opportunity you were hoping for never presented itself, you meant me?"

Lily laughed. He looked quite adorable in her opinion, all flustered and surprised. "Of course I meant you! Don't you recognize descriptions of yourself at all?"

"Apparently not," James marveled. "When we were talking about it, I honestly thought at first you meant Sirius. I was considering killing him until you told me it wasn't him, and then I didn't have any idea about who you could mean. It never occurred to me that you might have been talking about me."

"When you guessed Sirius and I blurted out that you were wrong, I was actually a little nervous that I'd given myself away completely," Lily confessed.

"And if I thought about myself as intelligent, funny, good-looking, and all of those other things you listed, maybe I'd have known. My insufferably large ego probably would have figured it out if you'd said something like that a few years ago, but I've gotten rather used to you thinking of me as an arrogant toe rag." He looked at her thoughtfully for a moment. "Do you really think I am all of those things you said?"

Lily nodded. "I know you are."

"These are the amazing eyes you can't stop staring at?" he asked softly, pointing at his face.

She nodded. "I think Sirius has picked up on that, by the way. He gave me quite a knowing look when I got butter on my robe the other day while I was looking at you. And I would have

thought you'd have noticed when I walked into that suit of armor." The look in his eyes was definitely making fluff out of her brains. His lips quirked up in a little smile, and she wished desperately that he'd take advantage of the moment and kiss her. But he didn't. Instead, it began to rain.

James groaned as the first drops fell and helped her to her feet. Lily shivered. Her cloak was still in her dormitory. "Sorry about this," he said with an apologetic smile. "I didn't know it was going to rain."

"It's all right," Lily assured him. "The only thing it'll ruin is my hair." She frowned a little as she thought about all of her hard work straightening it and the inevitable mass of curls that would now emerge once it dried again.

"Here, at least take my cloak," James said, throwing it over her shoulders. It was warm and dry, and it smelled fantastic. Lily wrapped it tighter around herself, for once not protesting against the act of Gryffindor chivalry. Emmaline would certainly approve. Lily smiled up at James gratefully, and he smiled back, looking rather pleased with himself.

"Come on," she said, and she took his hand and led him running and laughing back into the castle.

When they finally got just inside the doorway, they stopped to catch their breath. James shook his head to get some of the water out of his hair and wiped off his glasses. Lily used the sleeve of James' cloak to dry off her face and surreptitiously inhaled another noseful of his scent. Since she was none too eager to give it back, she was glad he didn't ask. He just inclined his head in the direction of Gryffindor tower and raised his eyebrows. She nodded, and they walked back to the common room together.

Amazingly, the common room was as unusually empty now as it had been unusually full when they'd left. Lily was grateful. They seated themselves on the couch closest to the fire, holding out their hands to warm them. She caught James stealing a sideways glance at her, and she smiled at him. She was glad to see his hair was back to normal. Although it had looked nice lying nearly flat, it hadn't looked like James. She preferred him as he usually was, unruly hair and all.

"You know, James," she began conversationally once they'd dried out and begun to warm up a bit, "odd though it is, I think turning down your invitation to Hogsmeade last year was what made me decide to give you a chance this year. It's all Emmaline's fault, really. She's always thought it's terribly romantic that you never gave up on me, even though I was so horrible to you. You should have heard her up in our dormitory that night. 'Oh, I wish I had someone to follow me around and ask me out repeatedly as I continually spurned his advances. Someone who would shower me with gifts at all times and declare his undying love. Alas, alack, oh, sigh!'" She grinned, but James was just staring a little dazedly at something just above her left eyebrow. She hoped it wasn't something left over from their run through the rain.

"Anyway," she continued, "that's just Emmaline for you." James nodded, looking her in the eyes again and shifting his position so that he could put his arm around her shoulders. Lily smiled as her stomach gave a funny little twinge. "Em's my best friend," she continued, "and she's wonderful, really. She's just a little overly emotional sometimes. I told you when we were playing chess, she just doesn't know how to make a decision that isn't at least half based on her impulse of the moment." She rolled her eyes, and as she paused, she became aware that James' arm around her was shivering. No, not shivering—he didn't look cold at all anymore. His arm was actually trembling, and rather violently.

"James! Are you—are you _shaking_?"

"No!" he exclaimed and looked away immediately, quite obviously lying. She raised an eyebrow as she saw the red creeping up his neck. "Sorry," he mumbled almost so she couldn't hear, "I guess I'm a little more nervous than I thought I was."

Lily resisted the urge to laugh. He was acting like a third-year trying to cop a feel. "Whatever for! It's just a date." She couldn't resist adding with a teasing note, "Surely James Potter doesn't get weak in the knees because he's got his arm around a girl?"

James scowled slightly. "You're not just _a _girl to me, Lily. You know that. You're _the_ girl." She supposed that did change things somewhat. In a way she rather liked, actually. Still, that was no reason for him to be acting like _this_.

"But you must've—you must've... sometime..." She trailed off and shook her head, trying to make sense of this. Everything clicked into place as she thought back to the conversation she'd overheard in the bathroom, and she almost gasped aloud. "James, haven't you ever been on a date before?"

He sighed, scowl deepening as he turned as red as Lily had ever seen him. "Is it my fault you always said no?" he said, sounding slightly irritated. His eyes found a place to rest on the opposite side of the room.

"I know that _I_ always said no," she began, feeling slightly flabbergasted, "but I always assumed I wasn't the only one you were asking." This was James Potter after all, quidditch star, top student, rebel, frequent center of Hogwarts attention… He was one of the most popular blokes in school, and Lily had discovered he was really quite good-looking. She'd also been a bit unnerved to realize that all of the other girls seemed to have realized this several years ago. "I guess I assumed that somewhere along the line you must've gone to Hogsmeade with somebody else. Probably several other somebodies. But now that I think about it, I can't remember a single other girl ever talking about it, or looking a little cozy on the couch with you, or... anything." And it was true. Hadn't she wondered back on the Hogwarts Express why she hadn't heard more giggling about him?

"Look Lily," James snapped, "you don't have to point it out. I know you've got loads more experience in this area than I do, and I'm quite nervous enough without you making a point of it." Lily almost snorted. She suspected that James was vastly overestimating the quality of her previous relationships. "No, I've never been on a date," he continued, "and I've never put my arm around a girl before, and I've never snuck out after hours to go snog in a broom closet, any of it. And believe me, Sirius makes fun of me quite enough for it. I certainly don't need to hear it from you, of all people." He took his arm back from her shoulders, much to Lily's dismay, and folded his arms over his chest defensively. He looked like he was about to settle in for a good sulk.

Lily almost laughed. He thought she'd make fun of him for that? That was the best news she'd heard in weeks! That meant he'd honestly wanted to be with her, and only her, the whole time. She smiled so wide she felt like her face was going to split open. She reached out and touched his shoulder lightly. "Do you have any idea what kind of a compliment that is to a girl? To know that she can make you tremble like that? I think it's quite a bit nicer than if you just plopped down and made it seem like no big deal." _Like every other bloke I've dated_, she added inwardly. "There's something very—romantic about that touch of awe." Her thumb brushed his collar bone as she squeezed his shoulder, and she felt him shiver slightly. She'd never had this effect on anyone before.

"I really didn't ever expect you to give me a second look," he admitted quietly. "I suppose it feels a little bit like I'm sitting here, waiting to wake up. Why would you be here with me when you could be with someone who actually deserves you?"

"There, that too," Lily pointed out, fighting an Emmaline-like inclination to swoon. "It's nice to know you respect me. That way I know you won't be looking for somebody a little better now that I've let you catch me." She smiled teasingly, hoping he would relax and realize she didn't mind his inexperience. When he reluctantly returned her smile, she laid her head on his shoulder. She felt his breath catch momentarily, and she bit her lip to keep her smile under control. He slowly put his arm back around her shoulders, still shaking slightly. Lily turned her face into him a little further, enjoying the way he smelled. She thought she could even smell a trace of the coconut shampoo his friends loathed. The butterflies in her stomach seemed to have left their home and made their way throughout her body, because she was sort of tingling all over. It felt better than she could have imagined. She closed her eyes with a contented sigh.

"You know I've always been nuts about you, Lily," James murmured. "Why would I waste my time in Hogsmeade on another girl? I'd rather be with you, being turned down again. Well, most of the time, anyway. There have been a few times I've wondered if I should start looking for somebody of my own class. Down here with the toe rags, you know," he teased. She glanced up at him, enjoying the sparkle that had appeared in his eyes. "But honestly, I'd rather get a verbal lashing from you than a simpering smile from those other girls who aren't worthy to borrow your wand."

"In a twisted sort of way, I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever told me." For a few minutes, she just stared contentedly into the fire. Then her neck began to ache a bit, and she reluctantly sat up fully again. She turned on the couch, folding her legs up as she went so that she could face him. She took both his hands in hers, not wanting to lose all physical contact, and leaned forward. "So… what's your favorite class?" she asked, unsure what else to talk about.

There was silence. James was looking down at their hands curiously, brushing his thumbs over her knuckles. Then he looked up at her and said, "Sorry, didn't catch that. What did you say?"

She grinned, delighted to know that he held no less reverence for holding hands. "I asked what your favorite class was," she repeated with a smile.

"Oh. Right," he nodded. "Er… Transfiguration, probably. Though it can be a bit boring at times." He shrugged.

Lily wasn't surprised. Everybody knew that James and Sirius were both top of the class. It was hard to tell which of the two was better, but there was no doubt that they left the rest of the students in the dirt. "I figured that's what you'd say. Is that why you get in so much trouble? Boredom?"

"Yeah, I suppose so. It's just always been easy for me, you know? Like Charms and Potions for you."

She nodded. "I envy you, though," she admitted. "Charms and Potions seem so paltry when compared to being able to change one thing into something else. I know they're valuable classes and all, but just once in a while I'd like to be able to just—poof—change my sister into a beaver or something." She laughed, wondering where that idea had come from.

"We could work on that, you know," he responded, looking much happier and more relaxed than he had all evening. "I'm sure we could look up the spell in the library, and I could help you with it. I'd even let you practice on me," he offered, eyes twinkling.

"Why thank you, James," Lily chuckled. "I'll have to take you up on that sometime. But preferably a little closer to the next holiday, so I don't have time to forget before I see Petunia again."

"How old is she?" James asked curiously. She realized with a start that James probably hadn't even known she had a sister.

"Just starting Muggle university," Lily responded. "Thoroughly disgusted by magic and everything pertaining to it." She rolled her eyes and made a face. Petunia was so far removed from their world here and had been so cold towards Lily since she'd started at Hogwarts that it sometimes felt even to her as though she were an only child.

"Ah. Hence wanting to turn her into a beaver." James smiled understandingly, and she smiled back. "So what do you want to be when you grow up? Auror? Healer? Librarian? Caretaker of Hogwarts?"

"Oh lord no!" she gasped as the images flashed through her mind. "Can you picture me as Filch's successor, running around the school with my abnormal beastie, hauling kids out of broom closets and empty classrooms, threatening to hang them up by their heels?" She squinched one eye nearly closed and hunched her back, holding out one finger menacingly. "Get back to bed, Jimmy, and keep pincers and red hot irons in the back of your mind next time you think about sneaking out after hours!" she screeched. Ugh, what a horrible thought. But it had made James laugh so hard he couldn't breathe for a moment, which made Lily feel surprisingly good.

"I think you've got quite a future there. Who would have thought?" he teased when he regained his voice. His eyes traveled over her face, slowly coming to rest again on her eyes. He looked so contented that Lily couldn't help thinking that they'd both have been quite a bit happier this year if she'd just said yes when he asked her out last spring. "Really though, Lily," he repeated, "What do you want to be after Hogwarts?"

She looked down for a moment at their joined hands, picturing in her head all of the different careers that had been presented to them during O.W.L.s and the brochures Professor Slughorn had given her and the advice Professor McGonagall had provided. Yet in the back of her mind, all she could think of was how difficult it would be to stay safe. It seemed almost pointless to consider choosing a career as though life were going to go on normally after leaving Hogwarts when people were disappearing and dying daily. Still, she knew James would understand, so at last she answered, "Alive. Happy. Still somehow able to suck the joy out of living, even in the midst of all the horror that's going on everywhere around us."

"You'll find a way," James surprised her by saying as he squeezed her hands. "I can't picture you letting evil defeat you on the inside before it's beaten the outside. You're too strong for that, too keen to pick out the ray of light in the details of even the worst situations."

"What makes you say that?" she asked in surprise.

James shrugged. "It's just the way you are," he said simply, as though it were a commonly known fact. "Look at the way you treat Snape. Look at the way you find comfort to give the students whose parents have just been brutally and senselessly murdered. It's not easy, you know. I've had to do it too. You're much better at it than I am," he admitted admiringly. She felt the corner of her mouth rise in a sad smile. It was one of the things that made her most afraid, actually. Still, it was nice to know someone had such faith in her.

As she looked up at him, thinking how nice it would have been to have had him saying these things to her with such soothing confidence for the last two years, she suddenly pictured them as they had been in fifth year, her screaming at him as he refused to take no for an answer. "Somehow I can't picture you giving up very easily yourself," she grinned. Then she apologized a little sheepishly, "Sorry, that probably wasn't really the answer you were looking for."

"Maybe not what I was expecting, but still the answer I was really looking for," James assured her. He brushed his thumbs over her knuckles again, and she almost shivered. Again, she found herself hoping he would lean over and close the gap between them with a kiss. And again, he didn't.

Suddenly he blurted out, "Do you want to go to the Astronomy Tower?" Speaking of snogging… Lily snickered, quite certain that a person who trembled at her very touch was not going to invite her point blank to go shag. James looked stricken when he realized the implications of what he'd said and he flushed. "Not to go...do whatever other people do up there," he rushed to explain, "but to actually go look at the stars." He ran a hand through his hair nervously, making it stick up adorably in every direction. "They really are quite amazing," he added, a little note of pleading in his voice.

"I'd love to," she answered, still chuckling slightly but eager to ease his discomfort.

They walked to the astronomy tower in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. A warm silence. Lily reflected that she'd never felt so content on a date before. She'd been nervous, certainly, and annoyed, bored, full of anticipation, confused, and plenty of other things, but never simply content just to be together. It was quite nice. She hoped James thought so too, and that he didn't just think she was turning out to be rather more boring than he'd always dreamed she would be.

When they had found themselves a spot on the floor, lying back and looking up at the vast expanse of sky, they started to talk again. James was right, the stars were quite amazing. They didn't look like this back in her parents' backyard with the streetlights casting their yellow haze over the neighborhood. When she mentioned this to James, his face had lit up and he'd said, "Oh, if you think this is good, you should try flying at night. The sky seems so vast you can almost forget which way is up and which way is down." Lily could believe that with James, she would. She smiled and rolled onto her side so she could rest her head on his chest.

His heart was beating just as fast as hers, she could feel it. And as he put his arm around her and pulled her a little closer, she couldn't help beaming up at him, feeling as though her heart would burst. He was smiling at her so contentedly, other arm folded behind his head, the look in his eyes so warm and intimate, that it sent a happy thrill through her. She felt as though all of her senses had been heightened.

Then James reached over and brushed a strand of hair of her face. His gentle touch sent goosebumps up all along her scalp. And then he continued to run his fingers through it slowly. Every stroke set her tingling. With a soft sigh, she wriggled a little closer and managed to murmur, "Feels nice," before closing her eyes and giving in to the sensations he was creating.

At long last, when Lily was almost half asleep, James had sighed and removed his arm from around her. She shivered in the absence of his warmth, but they both knew it was time to go. They were going to have a hard time passing off their presence in the corridors any later as doing rounds; they were stretching it as it was. They walked back to the common room, still talking comfortably. She'd been quite pleased when James had reached for her hand on the way, and she'd squeezed it back quite happily.

At last they stood back in the common room once again. "Well." James looked down at his feet, and let go of her hand, shifting awkwardly. "I had a really great time tonight with you. Thanks for coming, Lily. I'm glad you finally said yes."

"So am I." It had been even better than she'd expected or hoped. "Can we do it again sometime?"

James' eyebrows shot up into his hair. "Really? You want to?" he said eagerly. He must have been embarrassed by his response, because he flushed a little, cleared his throat, and amended in a slightly lower voice a little reminiscent of the one he'd used on her back in fifth year, "Of course we can. If you want to."

Lily laughed at his attempt to appear disinterested. "Were you expecting, 'I had a lovely time this evening, James, and now I'd like it if you'd just leave me alone and stop speaking to me'?"

"Well, er, yeah, I suppose I was," he said sheepishly. He laughed a little as she goggled at him. How much more obvious could she be? "Just name your time, name your place for the next date. I'll be there," he grinned.

"How about Hogsmeade this weekend?" she suggested. "I'll meet you here in the common room a half hour after breakfast, and we can go together." A whole day alone together, and a change of scenery…

"That sounds nice," James said, voicing her own thoughts. "Well, um, goodnight then."

"I'll see you in the morning." Lily smiled encouragingly at him, sure that this time he really was going to kiss her. He'd given every indication of wanting to all evening, and she'd done her best to let him know that he'd be quite welcome.

But still he stood there awkwardly, looking unsure of himself. And then suddenly his eyes widened slightly and his ears got a little red, and she knew that he'd realized why she was still standing there.

"James?" she asked tentatively, wondering what was taking him so long. "Aren't you going to kiss me goodnight?"

He paled visibly. "Won't you..." he began faintly. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Won't you think I'm presumptuous and slap me and stop speaking to me forever?"

Her eyes widened. He honestly didn't know that she _wanted_ him to kiss her? She started to laugh. "You _still_ think I'd slap you? What more is it going to take to convince you that I like you?" She shook her head at him affectionately.

Still he stood there staring at her, looking a little as though he'd been hit in the head with a bludger.

"Well?" she encouraged him.

James nodded and stepped forward, putting one hand on her waist and sliding the other into the hair at the nape of her neck. _Finally_, she thought, closing her eyes and turning her face up to him.

But still he didn't kiss her. She opened her eyes to find him inches away, looking slightly frightened. Merlin, she'd forgotten in her own eagerness to kiss him that this was going to be his first kiss. He was eighteen years old, and she was about to be his first kiss. He'd been asking her out for four years now; he'd waited a long time for this. No wonder he looked nervous. "What are you waiting for?" she asked him softly, wanting to reassure him that it was going to be fine.

"I can't move," he whispered.

The corner of her mouth twitched, but she managed not to smile too obnoxiously. "Nerves again?"

He made a funny twitch that she thought was perhaps an attempt at a nod, and then he said, "Terrified. I've... never done this before, you know. I might mess it up," he confessed.

"Oh, pish posh. I wouldn't care," she assured him, but couldn't resist adding, "And if you think you need more practice, we can work on that later." She grinned wickedly, but stopped when he paled a little more. "Here, let me help," she offered gently. She reached up, slid her hand into his hair, and pulled his head down, stopping just short of her lips. She wanted to savor the moment that James kissed her for the first time, not the other way round. And after all this time, she wanted to let him do it. His eyelids drifted open far enough for her to melt into his dizzying eyes for a moment while she whispered, "Well, come on then."

This time, he needed no further help. She held her breath as his lips slowly and tentatively pressed against hers and then pulled back before she had time to settle into the sensation. She opened her eyes far enough to see him looking at her a little nervously and licking his lips. She smiled, then reached up for him again, and he didn't pull away so quickly. Mmm… his lips felt just as good as she'd imagined. He was brushing them against hers so lightly that she could feel his shallow breathing on her face. She eventually opened her mouth slowly, wanting more, and he followed her lead. As he gradually deepened the kiss, she realized hazily that he tasted like pumpkin pie and a little something else uniquely James. He was kissing her slowly, almost languidly, as though savoring each moment without rushing into the next. One hand was gently but firmly holding her tightly against him, the other tangled in her hair. For a moment, Lily felt as though she were the one being kissed for the first time; at least, no one had ever kissed her like _this_ before. It was intoxicating.

After a long time, Lily reluctantly pulled back to catch her breath. Apparently his eyes weren't the only thing about him that could make her dizzy; she could hardly even remember where she was standing. "Well," she panted when she had regained the ability to form words. "I don't think we need to worry about practicing that. I'd say you're a natural."

She saw a small smile starting to steal over his face. "Really?" His voice was low and soft and intimate in a way that gave her goosebumps all over again.

She nodded. "That was…" _The best kiss of my life? Something I'd like to do again whenever possible? _She grinned. James was starting to grin back, but his eyes remained a little hesitant and she was reminded that it was his first kiss and he was probably in need of some affirmation. "That was worth repeating," she told him. "Preferably several times in the future." If he kissed like this now, what was it going to be like later? The thought almost made Lily blush.

James' face broke out into a full smile this time. "Well, if I did all right the first time," he said, still in that same low voice, "just imagine how I'll do with a little more practice."

"I was," she admitted coyly.

James' eyebrows lifted and he smirked slightly. "Well then, let me make your dreams come true." He leaned down to kiss her with no hesitation this time, and she was happy to start up where they had left off. She could get used to this, being held and kissed and caressed as though she were the most precious, most beautiful thing in the world. And at the moment, James was making her feel as though she really were.

When at long last he pulled slowly away, she became aware that he was trembling again. "Sorry Lily, I'm afraid it's time to go," he whispered, "before my legs give out and betray me. You've made me quite weak in the knees again." He flashed her a sheepish grin.

Lily felt her face split into the brightest smile she thought she had ever given. Never in her life had she imagined that anyone could make her feel like this, or that she could make anyone else feel like he did. James was certainly not the blindingly handsome, well-muscled and barely-clothed man on the cover of Emmaline's favorite romance, and he had not rescued her from imminent death or danger on a white horse; but at he smiled down at Lily, knees shaking, brown flecks standing out prominently in his glowing eyes, looking at her as if she were the only person in the world that mattered, she couldn't have cared less.

"Goodnight, James," she whispered, and she reached up to kiss his cheek softly.

"Goodnight, Lily." He lightly brushed his lips against her forehead.

She floated up the stairs, turning for one last look at the top, and found him still watching her with a silly little grin on his face. She flashed him one last beaming smile and slipped inside the door. When it had closed behind her, she leaned against it with a happy sigh.

Yet her peace lasted only a few minutes before every other girl in the dormitory appeared, eager to hear everything that had transpired.

She told them about how they had gone for a walk, returned to the common room when it started to rain, how James had given her his cloak—

"And why are you still wearing James' cloak?" Emmaline asked with a knowing twinkle in her eyes. Lily, having no suitable answer other than that she simply liked wearing it, just blushed and ignored the question.

And she told them about sitting in the common room talking about school and other things, about going up to the astronomy tower (which was met with mixed snickering and "aww!"s, though she insisted that they'd actually looked at and discussed the stars), and then that they'd come back. She didn't mention the way James had trembled at her touch, or the way he'd kissed her. She didn't mention that he'd kissed her at all, and when asked directly, had simply responded, "It doesn't matter. What does matter is that we're going out again on Saturday. And now I'm going to bed."

The other girls reluctantly let her alone. She climbed into bed, still wearing James' cloak.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day, Lily again had the distinct impression that her every move was being watched. When she went down for breakfast, heads were craning to see as she greeted James, undoubtedly wondering whether she was going to kiss him or slap him. She did neither, though simply speaking to him had caused Emmaline and a few of the other girls to giggle and exchange knowing looks. The surprise had been when she tried to go to class and was suddenly crushed against the wall by a hoard of curious girls who wanted to know all of the nitty-gritty details about what a date with James Potter had been like. She had done her best to be vague and general and pleaded with them to let her go, and they had eventually moved aside to let her reach her next class, only to reappear again the instant she went back into the corridor. She'd never been tardy to class as many times in her whole life as in this one day; she'd thought she would never make it to Herbology at all. And all of the girls seemed obsessed with discovering whether or not he'd snogged her brains out. There had apparently been a betting pool on how many minutes James would wait to kiss her. She refused to comment.

Then, when James had showed up at lunch suffering from the same problem, he had insisted on making an announcement to the whole school that they'd had a great date and that was all anyone needed to know. Despite being as embarrassed as she could ever remember being, it had helped quite a bit. She was still constantly followed by the sound of sudden giggles, but at least the giggling didn't impede her ability to walk through the corridors. The rest of the day had gone much more smoothly. In fact, she was fairly certain that she'd gotten away without anyone noticing that she'd dipped her sleeve in the gravy again while watching James talk to his friends at dinner. When he'd looked up and seen her staring, he'd flashed a bright smile, making her blush and look away out of habit. Fortunately, she'd noticed her arm in the gravy boat and cleaned it with a surreptitious wave of her wand before anyone had commented.

It had been painfully difficult to concentrate on her homework that night. She and Emmaline had been trying to write an essay on the uses of aramantula venom, but little snatches of James' conversation would drift over to them, and she'd find herself looking over and watching him. She liked to watch his hands while he talked; they were so graceful and expressive. But watching his hands also reminded her of how those hands had felt when they were touching her the night before, and then she'd start to sink into pleasant daydreams until Emmaline would kick her chair or ask her a pointed question with a knowing look. To be honest, she appreciated that Emmaline never teased her about it or complained. Lily knew her friend was happy for her. Still, it took them quite a bit longer than usual to finish their work for the evening. Lily was somewhat relieved when it came time for bed, and she could let her thoughts drift freely.

The following day was much the same. Periodically James would glance over at her with a little intimate smile that made her insides warm; they'd grin shyly at each other in the corridor; they'd chat amiably with their friends and each other at meals, but they never had a moment alone.

Lily was suffering through her homework again, inwardly thanking Emmaline for her endless patience, when Emmaline had unwittingly provided the opportunity she'd been looking for.

"Lily?" Emmaline said for at least the fifth time, each with increased exasperation. "Come on, we have to get this done. You've got rounds tonight!"

Rounds… Lily grinned. Rounds with James were just what she needed. And if she finished this last assignment quickly enough, she might even be able to convince him to take a little extra time just this once. She bent her head back over the book and forced herself to concentrate. Half an hour later, her finished essay back in her bag, she was walking over to the large, squashy chair where James sat.

"James?" she said, drawing his attention to her. He looked up eagerly. "We should probably go on rounds now."

He looked almost disappointed for a moment. Then he checked his watch, and she knew he was about to call her bluff. "But we're not supposed to go for almost half an hour yet," he said slowly.

Lily shrugged. "Do you mind? I figured we'd go for a bit of a walk first." She smiled, wondering if he knew what she really had in mind. Sirius and Remus certainly did, judging by the whispering and snickering that followed her comment. But she fought down a blush and waited as James glared at them and got up to follow her out of the portrait hole.

"Sorry about them," James apologized as he caught up with her. "They can be a bit of a pain sometimes."

Lily shrugged. "At least they don't start giggling every time I walk by. I never realized before this week what an annoying sound a giggle is." She grimaced as she thought about the constant twitter that had plagued her heels for the last two days.

James glanced at her curiously out of the corner of his eye. "So what have you told the other girls?" he asked.

"About us?" Lily lifted her eyebrows in contemplation. She thought back to her attempts to explain to all of the eager faces the day before. "I told them we went for a walk, and you gave me your cloak in the rain—that was when Emmaline started giggling; she thinks it's terribly romantic—and that we sat and talked for a while, that we watched the stars for a while—that was then the other girls started giggling; I don't think they believe that's what we were doing—and that we're going to Hogsmeade together tomorrow," she recounted. Speaking of which, James' cloak was still in her dormitory. She wondered if he'd missed it yet. As she looked up at him again, she couldn't resist adding teasingly, "Oh, and that I taught you to kiss properly."

The look of horror on his face was priceless. "You didn't!" he exclaimed.

She couldn't help laughing. "You're right, I didn't," she assured him. "In fact, I didn't tell them that you kissed me at all. It felt like it ought to stay a private matter. Some things are better kept just between us, don't you think?" He smiled at her gratefully, and she knew instinctively that he had kept their snogging private as well. "So what did you tell the boys?" she wondered aloud.

"Absolutely nothing," James reported, a bit to Lily's surprise. Then he expounded, "Apparently, when said in the appropriate tone of voice, 'bugger off' means 'we had a really great date complete with snogging that will be repeated again in the near future.' At least, that's how Sirius and Remus interpreted it."

Male communication always amazed her. They could be so clueless sometimes, and yet sometimes so intuitive. "Well then, they're not too far off, are they?" Wanting to be closer to him, she slipped her hand around his elbow. When she felt him shiver slightly, she asked in surprise, "Are you cold?"

James shook his head and smiled weakly. "No, you're just touching me again."

Lily couldn't help shaking her head. "I don't know why I affect you like that," she said honestly.

He looked over at her and said mildly, "Don't you?" He smiled. "Perhaps it's because I've idolized you for ages, and now your hand is on my arm. It's like being touched by all that I've always viewed as good and right about the female half of the species."

"Oh lovely," she laughed, shaking her hair out of her eyes so she could see him better. "All you'll be expecting from me then is perfection."

"No," he said quietly with a small shake of his head, "just for you to be you. I've never said you were perfect—just that you were perfect for me." Lily blushed a little.

"And why is that?" she asked tentatively. "What's so fantastic about me anyway?"

"Your Lilyness."

She chuckled. He'd said it so matter-of-factly. "Is that the kind of answer you're planning to give on your NEWTs? Because I don't think you'll pass," she teased.

James grinned. "No, it's just... hard to encapsulate you in words, you know?" _No,_ thought Lily, _I don't.__ I've always thought I was rather straightforward, actually._"I could list off a million things and never really hit on just what it is that makes you so great," he continued.

"Well, you could try," she suggested shyly, not wanting to meet his eyes. She didn't want to beg for compliments, but she wanted to understand what it was about her that affected him this way. She suspected when the idolization wore off, James was going to find she didn't look nearly as attractive up close.

James reached up and laced his fingers through hers and squeezed. "Feeling a little insecure, are we?"

She shrugged. "Just a little nervous that I won't be able to live up to your expectations." She was afraid that just as she was gaining interest in him and realizing he wasn't quite the toe rag she'd thought for so long, he would be realizing that she wasn't nearly what he'd always made her out to be.

"Well," James said slowly with the same look he often got when trying to think of an answer on an exam, "you're obviously brilliant—I couldn't stand to be serious about anyone who wasn't smart enough to put me in my place once in a while." He flashed her a grin before continuing, and Lily breathed an inward sigh of relief. Smart she was and smart she would stay; she was just glad that he admired that. Not all of her previous boyfriends had. "But you're not conceited," James added. "You don't hold it over everyone's heads that you're the smartest witch in the school." She flushed with pleasure. "And you're kind. And you listen to people, really listen and take them seriously. I have trouble with that sometimes, so I really admire that in you. And you're funny, tons of fun to be around. And you're beautiful, of course"—she snorted—"which makes the rest of you all the more appealing."

She'd been willing to grant him that she was smart, and she did make an effort to be considerate of other people. She enjoyed laughing as much as the next girl, so maybe that made her fun to be around. But beautiful was a bit of a stretch. "I'm completely average-looking," Lily asserted. She was by no means the best-looking girl in her dormitory, much less in the school. She knew her nose turned up too much at the end, her hair clashed terribly with all of her Gryffindor attire, her eyes squinched shut when she smiled, and she had a little roll of fat just below her navel that none of her clothes could hide. "Maybe you took a bludger to the head, and that's why you fancy me so much," she joked, feeling self-conscious.

"Lily," James said quietly but with warmth, "you walked into History of Magic the first day back from Christmas in fourth year and... Well, it was the first time I'd ever really looked at you. I was fifteen, and girls were just starting to be very interesting. But you came in with your hair down, a little bit of make-up on—this was back when you were experimenting with it—and this gorgeous smile on your face while you talked to Emmaline." She was taken aback; she didn't even remember what she'd worn or how she'd done her hair last week, and he could clearly picture her three years ago. "You looked like a goddess among mortals," he murmured, lost in his memory. "Nobody else in the room held a candle to you. I think I actually stopped breathing for a few minutes." He looked over at her again and grinned. "Sirius likes to tease me about how ridiculous I looked, gaping at you as though I'd never seen a girl before in my life. Honestly though, I don't think I've really looked at another girl since. Not only did you have the most beautiful hair and the most beautiful smile and the most beautiful, expressive eyes, and some really fantastic legs"—Lily laughed, which made James look pleased—"but the way you interacted with everyone convinced me you were the girl for me. Just watching the way you laughed and joked and listened and supported, and the way you yelled at me for being an arse and everything... and the better I've gotten to know you, the more true it is."

They were both silent for a several minutes, James lost in memories and Lily pondering his answer. At last, she hesitantly asked again, "You really think all that about me? That I'm beautiful and fun and all that?"

"Of course I do," James nodded. He chuckled as he explained, "If I didn't, I would have given up the first time you rejected me and started asking out girls who actually liked me." He looked over at Lily and she squeezed his hand affectionately. "So, if you don't mind my asking, why did you finally change your mind?" He cocked his head to the side curiously as he watched her.

Lily remembered Emmaline's insistence on Mission: Meet James Potter, and she felt the corner of her mouth twitch. "Curiosity," she said simply. "Towards the end of last year, when you weren't such a jerk anymore, I started wondering what you'd do if I ever said yes. And the wondering turned into more wondering about what the date would be like, and then what it would be like to date you, and then wondering what you were doing at the moment. Pretty soon I was wondering what you were thinking while you were staring out the window and what you were writing on that little piece of scratch paper." Actually, she was fairly certain that the letters L.E. had always been involved in some form, but she didn't mention that. She paused for a moment to consider what else had drawn her to him, and continued, "And then I started to notice how much fun everyone around you always seemed to be having and how you put them at ease. And how serious you could be when it was appropriate. And then this year started, and you were intelligent and interesting. And then I started to notice that you were rather nice to look at too." She felt her face heat up a little as she remembered the way she'd gaped at him on the train at the beginning of the year. "Just about the time I started to think I'd missed my chance, you asked me out again, and here we are," she finished quietly with a shrug. "Sorry, it's not quite such a nice story."

James still looked content. "Believe me, I don't mind. Just as long as you give me a serious chance." He quirked a smile. "It would be nice too if you'd decide along the way that you're really quite hopelessly in love with me."

Lily laughed. Honestly, she didn't think that would be very difficult to manage at all. He was making it far too easy for her. She was just a little nervous that her appeal might lessen as he got used to her. "Just as long as you don't decide that I'm really not all you thought I was," she said, voicing her concern.

"You've certainly given me the easier end of the bargain," James replied casually. Turning to meet her eyes, he asked in a knowing tone, "So what did you really take me out here for? Did you really just fancy a walk around the castle before rounds?"

Lily grinned and shook her head. "I got sick of waiting for Hogsmeade, and I wanted to spend some time with you alone. I hope you don't mind."

James chuckled and admitted, "I've been dying for something like this. I just didn't want to be pushy and smothering. Sirius always complains about girls who can't wait for the second date."

"Well it's good I'm not dating Sirius then, isn't it?" Lily looked down at her watch. "We've still got a few minutes before rounds. Do you want to find a place to sit?" she suggested.

"Is 'sit' a euphemism for 'snog madly'?"

Lily reddened slightly and kept her eyes away from his, but was nonetheless pleased with his hopeful reading of her plans. "It might be."

"Well then, by all means lead on!" he responded cheerfully. Lily smacked him in the arm, causing him to laugh and sling the offended arm around her shoulders. As his laughter faded, he looked at her quite intently for a moment and said seriously, "I really am crazy about you, you know."

"Yeah, I know," she responded, glad to find that she did know it deep down inside, even if she still thought he esteemed her far beyond what she deserved. After all, his arm was even now shaking just a little as it rested on her shoulders. "It's mutual."

James' eyes softened, drawing Lily into their warmth. He bent and kissed her softly. She smiled beneath his lips as she returned the kiss. But in a moment, he had pulled away and drawn her close to whisper in her ear, "We'll save the rest of those for tomorrow. It's time for rounds."

Lily sighed and acknowledged that he was probably right, but couldn't quite keep the disappointment out of her voice. Still, she was glad that he reached over to hold her hand for all of rounds, and even stole another quick kiss when they reached one particularly dark and deserted corridor. She was feeling quite contented by the time he stopped outside the portrait hole and took her in his arms for one last long, languorous embrace before ducking back inside to finish his homework while she went up to bed.

"Lily, are you almost done? I'm supposed to be meeting Marcus in half an hour, and I haven't even showered yet!" Emmaline banged on the bathroom door for the fifth time in the last ten minutes.

"I'll be out soon," Lily called back.

"Yeah, that's what you said twenty minutes ago," Emmaline whined. "What's Marcus going to say when I show up looking like I just rolled out of bed?"

Lily sighed. "He won't say anything, because you'll look just like you do every day at school when he sees you. But what would James say if I walked down the stairs looking like I didn't put in any kind of effort?"

Emmaline snorted. "Lily, James would tell you that you looked gorgeous if you went down there in your dressing gown. Hurry up and let the rest of us in there!"

Lily checked her reflection, ran her fingers through her hair one last time, and opened the door. Emmaline's exasperation melted into a smile. "Oh Lily, you look beautiful! James won't be able to say anything at all about how you look, because you'll leave him speechless."

Lily smiled shyly. "You think so?"

Emmaline nodded. "I know so." Then, unexpectedly, she threw her arms around Lily. "I'm so happy for you!" she exclaimed tearfully.

Lily patted her back awkwardly. "What on earth is this for?" she asked in utter befuddlement.

Emmaline drew back. "Well, I know it's not really your first date with James, but it's my last chance to make a big deal out of it, and you're never going to go on another first date again…" Emmaline trailed off and hugged Lily again impulsively.

"What are you talking about?"

Emmaline looked quite surprised. "James been in love with you for ages, and he's going to do everything he can to make sure you fall in love with him. And he's perfect for you. I've always known that if you ever gave him any kind of a chance at all, you'd end up marrying him," she stated as plainly as if explaining that yellow and blue mixed into green.

Lily's jaw dropped. Emmaline was quite serious about this. And if she were honest with herself, she suspected Emmaline was also right. She usually was about these things. But she just hugged her friend back and said, "Well, in that case, you'd really better make sure that I look all right."

Emmaline stepped back as she surveyed her friend from head to toe. "Perfect. But I think I mussed up your hair a bit," she admitted sheepishly, reaching up and smoothing a few strands back into place. "There. Now you're ready."

They smiled at each other for a minute, both grateful for their friendship and both aware for the first time how much things would be changing in the next few months as school ended and

they moved on to the next stage of life.

"You'd better hurry up," Lily said at last, "or Marcus will think you're not coming." Emmaline grinned at her as she disappeared into the bathroom in a whirl of brown curls. Lily took a deep breath and walked down the stairs.

She paused for a moment at the top of the stairs just to look at James. He hadn't seen her yet and was sitting in the corner of the common room on a sofa, chewing his lip nervously and staring at his hands. The light streaming in from the window glinted off his glasses, but Lily could picture the eyes behind them quite clearly, long lashes hovering over the swirling colors. They reminded her a little of something she'd seen once in Dumbledore's office, a stone basin filled with a swirling substance that was neither gas nor liquid; James' eyes were like that indescribable substance, always changing with his surroundings and his moods. His hair was as unruly as ever, and she was glad he hadn't tried so hard to tame it this time. He was wearing a white oxford with his jeans, and Lily was suddenly aware of how much he'd grown up since the first time he'd asked her out. He'd been a very skinny boy, barely fifteen, voice still cracking from time to time, immensely confident and proud of his ability to perform spells beyond O.W.L level. Now he was a young man about to join the adult world, broader shoulders mirroring a more mature person who no longer bragged about his ability to perform magic Lily was sure many much older wizards would envy; he was intelligent, spontaneous, funny, and deeply loyal. And he wanted her. With a small smile, she descended the stairs and crossed the room.

She put her hand on his shoulder, prepared for her last "first" date. "Ready?" James' head whipped around, and his jaw dropped slightly as he looked at her. Not a word came out of his mouth as he gaped at her wide-eyed, taking in her appearance. She was suddenly very aware of everything she had ever disliked about herself. "Stop staring at me," she said nervously. "Do I look all right?"

James swallowed audibly. "Perfect," he said, voice cracking. He flashed her a brilliant smile that made her heart beat a little faster. "So," he began tentatively, sounding as though he wanted to be sure his voice was going to cooperate, "any particular reason you left your hair down today? You hardly ever do anymore." Lily felt herself blush; she'd remembered what he had told her about how beautiful he thought she was that one day back in fourth year, and she'd done her best to recreate the way she'd looked then. James must have thought he'd embarrassed her, because he added hastily, "It looks nice, but I just wondered, you know, if…" He trailed off and shrugged.

"I seem to recall you mentioning that you liked it," Lily admitted shyly. So he had understood what she'd tried to do. "Good to know not everything about you has changed since fourth year," she said lightly.

This time James turned a little red. "I really was a bit of a turd, wasn't I?" he sighed. "Even I can't believe some of the things I did and said, especially around you. I like to think I've grown up a little bit, though."

"You have." Lily smiled reassuringly. "Otherwise I wouldn't be here. And I definitely wouldn't have locked Emma out of the bathroom for nearly an hour to get ready," she confessed. "She nearly had smoke coming out of her ears by the time I let her in, and she probably would have hexed me if she hadn't know I had a good reason." Lily had been on the receiving end of one of Emmaline's angry hexes before, and she had no desire to experience another.

James laughed. "What good reason might that be?" he asked, though Lily could see he knew the answer full well. But she decided to play along.

"Well, I thought I was going to Hogsmeade with this guy I like," she teased, "and I thought he'd appreciate it. But he doesn't seem too eager to get off the couch." She was entirely unsuccessful in keeping a straight face.

"Sorry," James apologized, sounding not sorry in the least. "I've got a case of the old 'Lily makes James weak in the knees' again. You really shouldn't surprise a bloke when you look like that and still expect him to be able to think straight, you know." Lily's heart fluttered, and she returned his grin feeling quite flattered. "But I believe I've recovered—for the moment," he continued, unfolding himself from the depths of the sofa. "Shall we?" He held out his arm, and she took it gladly.

At James' request, she took him to all of her favorite places and showed him all of her favorite things. He just followed her, looking far more intently at her than at anything she showed him. But she knew he was paying attention, and she was pleased to find that he was enjoying himself quite a bit. She could tell by the blue flecks in his eyes as he smiled happily at her, and the way he squeezed her hand when she got excited. When she caught sight of a daisy pushing its solitary way up through the cracks of the sidewalk, striking her as a fragile symbol of beauty in the midst of the crowded, paved streets of Hogsmeade, she was pleasantly surprised to find that James's expressive eyes were filled with the same quiet joy as her own.

She had made James give her a tour of Zonko's just before lunch. He prefaced the whole thing by making her swear that she wouldn't use any of the information he was going to divulge to confiscate items she would now recognize back in the castle and thereby "abuse" her Head Girlship. She laughed, gave her word, and followed him throughout the store, impressed both by the magic and by James' unerring knowledge of the store's layout and contents.

They'd had a small spat over splitting the bill at the Three Broomsticks, but James had let her win. Lily knew she'd been unnecessarily stubborn, so she appreciated that he hadn't gotten angry. She'd had no real reason to insist on paying her way, and she'd known full well that James had just wanted to be gallant. Still, the knee-jerk reaction was ingrained from previous dates with boys who had not simply wanted to be gallant, but seemed to think that it was their right as men to wield the money and her place as a woman to be grateful. Almost before she'd realized what she was doing, she'd been glaring at James. So, when she'd paid for herself and they'd exited the pub, she had quietly said, "Thank you," taken his hand, and made the decision to bring him to her favorite place in the world outside of Hogwarts castle.

They walked quietly through the village and up the hill. At last she saw the giant oak where she'd come to think ever since her first Hogsmeade visit. "Here we are," she announced as she settled onto the grass. "I saved my favorite for last."

James was looking around curiously, seeing for the first time the view that had made this place her favorite. They could see everything from here, all the city streets packed with students and shops, Hogwarts looming in the distance, and nothing but grass and trees and wildflowers around them here. He leaned back on one elbow and held out a flower to her. "If you won't let me buy you lunch, at least let me give you flowers," he said. "Truce?"

Lily laughed. She was grateful he'd brought it up so she could apologize properly. "Truce. Thank you, James. Sorry for being so stubborn." Okay, so it wasn't the best apology in the world, but at least she'd gotten one out. She wasn't very good at admitting when she was wrong, at least not out loud.

James shrugged. "It's probably good for me to argue with somebody smarter and more stubborn than me once in a while," he offered, quirking a smile at her. "Keeps me from getting my way all the time and turning into a spoiled brat."

"I didn't mean to make such a big deal out of it," Lily continued, wanting to make sure he knew why she'd acted like such an idiot. "I just don't want to turn into the kind of girl who just sits around giggling and vapid while her man does everything important for her." She turned her attention from the flower in her hand to James' eyes, adding ruefully, "I've got a rather independent streak, you know."

"It's one of the things I like about you," James replied, smiling. "You're so self-assured and capable. I don't think you could ever be the kind of girl who would just sit back and let someone else dictate her life. Besides," he continued, frowning, "any man who could be happy squelching you like that doesn't deserve you. You're too smart, and too fun, and too full of personality. Anyone lucky enough to be with you should be thanking his lucky stars and endeavoring to deserve you."

Lily's eyebrows shot up at his adamant declaration. But then she realized that she felt the same way about him. When she'd heard the rumors about Amelia Diffle, she'd mostly been jealous, but a small part of her had been disappointed that he hadn't picked somebody better for him. She couldn't help wondering if she were really that person. "You should never let a girl boss you around either, James," she said, meeting his eyes. "No matter how much you like her. You deserve better than a squelching too." She sighed a little but smiled as she added, "If you still want to pay next time, I promise I'll let you."

"And the next time you insist on retaining a little bit of your independence, I won't fight you so hard," James promised. He returned her smile before rolling onto his back and folding his hands behind his head. She mimicked his position, and they were silent for a moment before James' voice wafted over to her. "I suppose I like the thought of being your protector and supporter, even though I know you don't really need me for that," James mused. Lily glanced over at him, glad to hear that he recognized that she could take care of herself. Still, it was nice to think that he'd be watching out for her; she smiled a little as he continued. "But all I really wanted to do was just let you have a good time without having to worry about how much spending money you were going to have left afterwards."

Surprised, Lily turned to face him, propping herself up on an elbow. "What about how much spending money you're going to have left afterwards?" she asked. "I don't want you to spend all your money on me and have nothing left for chocolate frogs for yourself."

James' eyebrows disappeared into his hair as he stared at her strangely. "Lily, don't you read the Prophet?" he asked after a minute. She frowned, wondering what that had to do with their conversation. "My family... Well, let's just say you don't have to worry about my spending money running out."

"And what does that have to do with the Prophet?"

James grimaced. "Well, when one is the only son of one of the oldest wizarding families in Britain, is still single at eighteen, and is about to come into one of the largest inheritances in Britain upon his graduation, it attracts a bit of attention," he explained slowly. He sighed and made a face. "Shows up in the Prophet at least once a month," he said, finally answering Lily's question. She was too shocked to notice. "I hate it, really," James continued. "I wish they'd just leave me alone. It's no fun living in the spotlight just because I've got money, and it's certainly not enjoyable having the parents of every witch in the Western hemisphere trying to convince me to marry their daughters. Especially when I already know that I could never marry any of them. I gave my heart away a long time ago." He only met her eyes for a moment, then looked away as he blushed.

Lily's head was reeling. "I see," she said quietly, just for the sake of responding. She had no idea what to say to this. James was practically a celebrity and she hadn't even known. How was this possible? Probably because he hated it, so he had never mentioned it. But why hadn't anybody else? Surely some of them must have seen something in the Prophet... but maybe they'd all known before they even met James and so they hadn't felt like it was news.

And after all of his complaints about how easy it was for Sirius to get a date, James himself admitted he'd been presented with all kinds of witches who wanted to be with him. Well, wanted his money... How terrible that must feel, to know that he was wanted only for something beyond his control and totally unrelated to who he was. And yet he'd said he knew... knew that he'd given his heart away... and he'd given it to her. And look at the way she'd treated him. The guilt was almost overwhelming, the feeling that she had so much to make up for.

"Why, James?" she managed at last. "Why always me?"

He looked at her thoughtfully, searching for words. "Do you know what it's like to think about dating another girl after getting to know you, Lily? It's like looking at the sun and then trying to live with a candle for light. Like trying to be happy flying a Nimbus 120 after flying a Cleansweep 350." Lily felt the corners of her mouth twitch; leave it to James to compare her to a broomstick. But she thought she knew what he was trying to say. "It's just... There's nobody like you, Lily. Every other girl just pales in comparison. To me, they all seem like poor imitations." He was staring into her eyes intently, as if willing her to understand what he couldn't say. But Lily felt that he'd said quite enough. She was afraid.

And so what came out of her mouth next was prompted by a desire to get away from everything he wanted her to understand, to feel for a minute as though things were back to normal. She didn't want to think about what it might mean that James felt this strongly about her, and she didn't want to think about all the baggage he carried around that she didn't want any part of, and she didn't want to think about how it might affect her. She just wanted to think about James and be somewhere with James where none of this mattered, where he was just the James she had discovered in Mission: Meet James Potter. She wanted the look on his face when he was soaring through the air as though nothing else mattered. Maybe this was why he loved it so much...

"James, take me flying." When he just blinked and looked surprised, she started to babble. "Please? I've always thought it must be amazing to fly, but I'm so terrible at it I've never gotten the chance to find out. And I know you're wonderful at it, and I think it would be really wonderful to fly with you." She plucked at the blades of grass in front of her, not wanting to look at him.

"Of course, if that's what you want," James answered slowly. "But don't you have anything else to say?" he asked, his voice a little pleading. "I mean, don't you have any kind of response to what I just told you?"

She sighed, not looking up from the grass. She supposed he deserved something; he had essentially just told her that she was the only girl he'd ever consider marrying, and as overwhelming as it might be for her to hear it, she imagined it must have been quite nerve-wracking for him to admit it. So she replied quietly, "I don't know what to say to something like that. It's a bit intimidating to hear one of Britain's most eligible bachelors declare that if he can't have you, he won't take anyone. I don't think I deserve it; any of it. I mean, I'm just... a regular old Muggle-born witch with nothing to recommend her but some good grades and a little make-up." She glanced up with a shaky smile. "I mean, there are so many things I don't even know about this world. I still feel like I'm learning my way around. And then here you come, swooping down from your perch atop the heap, saying that I'm the most perfect witch in the world, I just"—she licked her lips nervously as she prepared to unload her biggest fear again—"I worry that you'll find out I'm not nearly what you think I am. I'm just another girl, James, a girl of flesh and blood with lots of flaws and inconsistencies. And some day you're going to wake up and realize you're dating a person, not a dream."

James shook his head emphatically. "Never, Lily." And for a second, she wanted to cry. Didn't he understand? But then he went on. "It's not the dream I want, it's the person, complete with inconsistencies and flaws and independent streaks and stubbornness and everything. And I'm not so crazy about you because of your grades, or because you're beautiful—it's because of who you are, Lily. Your personality is so unique, and it's everything I've ever wanted. The joy you have in being alive, the way you stop and enjoy the details everyone else walks past, the deep sense of justice and compassion... I could never even begin to describe you and what makes you so perfect to me. Just trust me that you are, and that you will never disappoint me so much that you could make me stop"—he hesitated, and Lily had the feeling that he had wanted to say something but changed his mind at the last minute—"caring about you."

For just a moment, he looked at her again as if willing her to understand. Lily had never wanted to kiss someone so badly in her life. He understood her. And that was what he wanted, the real Lily. And just as she started to lean in, he kissed her. Her eyebrows raised, and she suspected that she'd made a small noise of surprise; he certainly hadn't kissed her like this before. This was no soft, slow kiss. This was a desperate, passionate embrace with his whole body. She kissed him back hungrily, willing him to know that she understood.

As the pace eased, she slowly became aware that James was holding himself over her with one arm as his other hand moved through her hair. His shirt had become untucked, and her hands were running along the skin just above his belt. He felt incredibly good. Then his mouth left hers and travelled down her neck, and she lost her ability to think clearly again.

It was a long time before either of them pulled away. They stared at each other, eyes wide and pupils dilated, chests heaving, just smiling. Lily's eyes took in his disheveled hair, happy to be responsible for making it look even worse than usual, his rumpled shirt with a few small grass stains, a couple of buttons open at the top, the small strip of skin visible where her hands been a few minutes before, the brown flecks in his eyes, and the passion and affection evident from the tip of his dark hair to the sneakers at the end of his long legs.

"Still want to go flying?" he asked in a low voice. Lily nodded happily. "Then I suppose," he grinned, kissing the tip of her nose, "that we ought to make you look a little more presentable before we go back to the castle and expose ourselves to public ridicule for rather ridiculous amounts of snogging." He paused every few words to kiss her face again, ending with a short peck on the lips.

As Lily affectionately picked blades of grass from his hair and straightened his shirt, she teased, "You don't look too innocent yourself, Mr. Potter. In fact, you look as though you've been quite a bit naughtier than you actually have. And I think I like that look on you." She pulled him down by the collar for another kiss.

James drew back slowly and took a deep breath. He looked slightly dazed as he reached over and smoothed her hair. As his thumb brushed the side of her face, she placed her hand over his for a moment, leaning into it slightly and smiling at him. "You're absolutely perfect," he said.

She kissed his palm lightly and got to her feet.

"Come on, let's go flying."

When they had finally reached the pitch (which took quite a while, considering that they stopped every couple of minutes for another kiss), James summoned his broom and turned to her.

"Let me just watch you for a minute first," Lily requested shyly. She wanted to have a minute just to enjoy the beauty of James' flying before she embarrassed herself with her own. "I've always liked to watch you fly, even when I didn't want to admit that I liked anything about you," she confessed, making James smile. "You just make it look so natural, like you're even more at home in the air than on the ground." And wordlessly, he lifted off in to the slowly darkening sky.

As Lily watched James circle her, she couldn't help but think how lucky she was. James was... well, he was James. And Emmaline was right, he was perfect for her. Just like James had said she was for him.

"Hop on," he said, landing beside her.

Lily suddenly felt a little nervous. "I did warn you I'm a really terrible flyer, didn't I? I don't think I've ever gotten my feet really off the ground more than a few inches."

"Then you'll love this," he assured her, wrapping his arms around her waist and grabbing onto the broom with one hand. She was suddenly quite certain that she would enjoy it. "Where shall we go?" he asked.

"Anywhere," she shrugged, looking back at him. "Wherever you want to take me."

As he began to talk about places he'd like to visit, they lifted off the ground. Lily couldn't help letting out a small gasp. "Sorry, is this too high or too fast?" James asked, concerned.

"No," she breathed, "this is wonderful. Even better than I imagined." And it was. She knew now why James came out to the pitch any time he needed to clear his head. The wind whistling in her ears made her feel like they were the only two people that existed as the ground disappeared beneath her feet and the clouds came closer overhead. She laughed with delight as James flew higher, and she felt his arms tighten around her and his lips press against her hair.

When they finally returned to the ground, Lily was glowing with pleasure. James' hair was standing on end and she knew hers couldn't look much better. His cheeks were rosy from the cold air, and his eyes shone as they always did when he'd been flying. Lily suspected her face looked much the same. And the last thing she wanted to do was go back inside. So she asked, "Do you want to stay and watch the stars come out? I know we're supposed to be inside, but I'd really rather be out here for a few more minutes."

James agreed, and they settled down in the center of the pitch, Lily's head resting on James' shoulder and his arm around her. "I wish this day never had to end," James murmured into her hair.

Lily smiled, feeling the same way. "Just because today was perfect doesn't mean we can't have more perfect days to come, does it?" she reasoned. "Maybe after this one's over, we'll have a hundred more even better days to come."

"Of course we will," he agreed easily. He tightened his arm around her and kissed her affectionately. "Maybe even a hundred thousand perfect days like this one."


End file.
